Love is more than an emotion: it is a conscious decision to accept, trust, protect, defend and support the heart of another. There is no deeper bond between us, and there is no greater gift a mortal can offer.
Mother Teresa considered herself to be a pen in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world. She dedicated her life to changing the world one heart at a time by offering hope and kindness to the castoffs of society.
Mother Teresa lived her faith everyday and did not spend her life talking about love. She spent her days doing love.
I dislike our culture's tendency to worship celebrities, and I consider everyone to be equally worthy in all matters...but I admit to having two heroes in my life. The first is my husband for teaching me what it means to be unconditionally loved by another person. The second is Mother Teresa who reminded me that love is our purpose, and our most important reason to exist.
Yes, love is more important than good grades or being popular. It is more essential to life than social success of any kind. I would even venture to say that love is more necessary than air...because without air the body dies. But, without love the soul withers, the heart crumbles and the reason to live fades away.
This is the traditional, though historically inaccurate, time of year when Christians celebrate the birth of Christ Jesus. We consider him to be our savior and the one who has reconciled us with our God. We listen to Christmas music and make celebratory plans with friends and family while shopping for that perfect gift. We dedicate so much time to the stuff of Christmas, how much time do we dedicate to the reason for Christmas?
You've heard it all before...I know I'm not saying anything new here. But please take a moment and reflect upon the gift we've received: grace wrapped in love and tied up in perfection. Let us take a moment (or two) and not just talk about love, or sing about it...but let's do love and improve the world one heart at a time. Remind people that they are more important than stuff (giving, receiving, or otherwise).
I wish you love and chocolate my friends...and a very merry Christmas and a New Year filled with more love than your heart can hold. And a little more chocolate for good measure.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Mental Clutter
Life is messy, untidy, and unpredictable in the best of times. The princess doesn't always get the prince, the hero doesn't always win, and sometimes the bad guys get away with it...despite what the stories say.
That's just how it is and nothing you do will change it.
Occasionally life gets too messy to handle and things start to wear on you. Even the most seasoned veterans of life's battles need a break. Sometimes the mess begins to pile up and it's time to step back and focus on what really matters. Time to focus on the things that will make a real difference in the world.
We all multi-task to the point of obsession...it's like juggling 27 oranges with one hand tied behind our back. Eventually we'll drop one no matter how good we are.
Time to remember who you are and why you're here.
The first step in clearing away the clutter is to acknowledge it. There is no shame in realizing that you're juggling too many oranges; nothing to apologize for and no need to make explanations. You're human. It's okay to drop an orange. Or two.
The next step is to reevaluate your priorities. Find your passion and hold on to it with both hands (and your teeth if necessary). Working towards goals that excite you and help to remind you of your purpose.
Passion offers us the motivation necessary to face the everyday messes.
Finally, embrace the mess and learn to love the untidiness of life. It isn't going to be easy...nothing worth doing ever is. Each new day brings in new issues, new pieces of debris, and new emotional upsets.
You might be tempted to make excuses, to give up. Don't. It isn't worth it. Put the oranges down and take a deep breath. When you jump back in, be sure you know which ones you will be picking up, and which ones can wait.
This is the adventure that is life. It is beautiful and disastrous and ever changing.
When I feel bogged down by the amount of clutter in my life I take a breather and ruminate on why I am here. I remind myself that I was created for a purpose and that no one can fill my proverbial shoes.
I remember who I am.
If you are overwhelmed by the clutter in life, you're not alone. We've all been there. Feel free to call me up and we can share some chocolate and share our passions. We can recharge each other, commiserate and ruminate.
Or we can do nothing at all.
That's just how it is and nothing you do will change it.
Occasionally life gets too messy to handle and things start to wear on you. Even the most seasoned veterans of life's battles need a break. Sometimes the mess begins to pile up and it's time to step back and focus on what really matters. Time to focus on the things that will make a real difference in the world.
We all multi-task to the point of obsession...it's like juggling 27 oranges with one hand tied behind our back. Eventually we'll drop one no matter how good we are.
Time to remember who you are and why you're here.
The first step in clearing away the clutter is to acknowledge it. There is no shame in realizing that you're juggling too many oranges; nothing to apologize for and no need to make explanations. You're human. It's okay to drop an orange. Or two.
The next step is to reevaluate your priorities. Find your passion and hold on to it with both hands (and your teeth if necessary). Working towards goals that excite you and help to remind you of your purpose.
Passion offers us the motivation necessary to face the everyday messes.
Finally, embrace the mess and learn to love the untidiness of life. It isn't going to be easy...nothing worth doing ever is. Each new day brings in new issues, new pieces of debris, and new emotional upsets.
You might be tempted to make excuses, to give up. Don't. It isn't worth it. Put the oranges down and take a deep breath. When you jump back in, be sure you know which ones you will be picking up, and which ones can wait.
This is the adventure that is life. It is beautiful and disastrous and ever changing.
When I feel bogged down by the amount of clutter in my life I take a breather and ruminate on why I am here. I remind myself that I was created for a purpose and that no one can fill my proverbial shoes.
I remember who I am.
If you are overwhelmed by the clutter in life, you're not alone. We've all been there. Feel free to call me up and we can share some chocolate and share our passions. We can recharge each other, commiserate and ruminate.
Or we can do nothing at all.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Self-fulfilling Grace
News flash: you are human and at some point in your life you will do something incredibly stupid, horribly humiliating, majestically messed-up, and/or just plain idiotic. And sometimes, you will manage to do all of the above in the same day.
But it's OK...really, it is.
The beauty of being human is that we are not perfect, and no one has the right to expect perfection from us. We are beautifully blemished and wonderfully wonky in all the right ways. Best of all, we can learn from our mistakes and grow through our weaknesses. Being wrong means we might be headed in the right direction.
Grace is one of those buzz words we hear a lot about, especially in faith-based discussions. What is grace? It's unmerited favor...it's getting something good that we don't deserve. We normally hear this when talking about God and His love for us. Grace is what allows us to have a relationship with God, even though we didn't do anything to earn it.
But grace is also something we need to give ourselves. We work hard to accomplish great things and to make people proud of us. We try to do our best and make the right decisions...but life is messy. Sometimes things just go wrong, and instead of learning from the situation we beat ourselves up.
Sometimes we just give up.
When things to wrong we need to offer ourselves a little grace and learn to see the big picture: we're human and we make mistakes. Learn from them and move on.
I guarantee that before the week is out you will do something that you wish you hadn't. You will be hard on yourself, or feel a little defeated because you should have known better. There is a chance that you could have prevented this catastrophe, but you didn't so now you have to deal with the repercussions. Time to put on the big boy/girl pants on and face the music.
But instead of being harsh...even if you deserve it, give yourself a break. Offer yourself a little bit of grace and acknowledge that you're human, that you're fantastically flawed and find something good that can come from the mess you've made.
It takes courage to put yourself in the position where you can make mistakes. It takes a brave soul to step out into the world and risk public failure. But safe is boring.
And no matter how badly you've screwed up...I will still love you and God will always love you. I promise that we're not going anywhere.
If you have trouble doing this, call me. We'll exchange stories about the silly things we've done in the past (oh, do I have some whoppers), and then we can share the lessons we've learned from these magical mistakes.
This little song from Switchfoot illustrates my thoughts on this topic rather well...so sit back and enjoy. Or jump around and sing at the top of your lungs...'cause I sure am.
But it's OK...really, it is.
The beauty of being human is that we are not perfect, and no one has the right to expect perfection from us. We are beautifully blemished and wonderfully wonky in all the right ways. Best of all, we can learn from our mistakes and grow through our weaknesses. Being wrong means we might be headed in the right direction.
Grace is one of those buzz words we hear a lot about, especially in faith-based discussions. What is grace? It's unmerited favor...it's getting something good that we don't deserve. We normally hear this when talking about God and His love for us. Grace is what allows us to have a relationship with God, even though we didn't do anything to earn it.
But grace is also something we need to give ourselves. We work hard to accomplish great things and to make people proud of us. We try to do our best and make the right decisions...but life is messy. Sometimes things just go wrong, and instead of learning from the situation we beat ourselves up.
Sometimes we just give up.
When things to wrong we need to offer ourselves a little grace and learn to see the big picture: we're human and we make mistakes. Learn from them and move on.
I guarantee that before the week is out you will do something that you wish you hadn't. You will be hard on yourself, or feel a little defeated because you should have known better. There is a chance that you could have prevented this catastrophe, but you didn't so now you have to deal with the repercussions. Time to put on the big boy/girl pants on and face the music.
But instead of being harsh...even if you deserve it, give yourself a break. Offer yourself a little bit of grace and acknowledge that you're human, that you're fantastically flawed and find something good that can come from the mess you've made.
It takes courage to put yourself in the position where you can make mistakes. It takes a brave soul to step out into the world and risk public failure. But safe is boring.
And no matter how badly you've screwed up...I will still love you and God will always love you. I promise that we're not going anywhere.
If you have trouble doing this, call me. We'll exchange stories about the silly things we've done in the past (oh, do I have some whoppers), and then we can share the lessons we've learned from these magical mistakes.
This little song from Switchfoot illustrates my thoughts on this topic rather well...so sit back and enjoy. Or jump around and sing at the top of your lungs...'cause I sure am.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Sliced, Diced...and Still Broken (You're Beautiful)
All of the diets and weight-loss fads might fix the outside...but your inside will still be bruised, beaten, and torn. No amount of cosmetic surgery or botox injections will fill that little hole in your heart that makes you cry at night when no one can hear you.
There is no physical cure for feeling rejected, no matter what the T.V. tells you. Your obsession with physical perfection will never, ever make you feel truly, deeply, and genuinely loved.
I know this isn't easy to hear, and most of you have stopped reading by now. It's alright, I understand. No really, I do. We live in a world where being young and pretty is valued above all else. Where a woman is judged by the size of her breasts rather than the size of her heart. It's easy to fall prey to the belief that if you look a certain way, love will be easy and life will be perfect. That somehow you can have the things that genetics denied you, and all will be right with the world.
But it's all a lie. A big, dangerous, and painful lie.
You can perfect the outside, but that doesn't fix what is broken on the inside. If you're lonely, lost, and feeling like you're missing out on life...then no amount of Botox is going to change that. You might look better, and feel better about yourself for a bit, but how will that last? A week? A month?
Not until you face yourself, flaws and all, will you understand your true value. Not until you embrace your uniqueness, will you learn to accept yourself.
I count myself fortunate that my faith has taught me that God loves me regardless of my physical attributes. No matter what my flaws, His love prevails...and nothing will ever change that. This is a truth that comforts me when my thoughts turn to the beauty of my youth. No matter what, I'm still beautiful...still important and valuable. In fact, I have never felt better about myself than I do now. Those who know me, the real me that dwells inside a flawed shell, are the only people worthy of letting into my life.
If you judge me by how I look, then you are not a person that I have time for because you have not learned how to truly love people. You still need to grow.
Now I'm not opposed to the occasional nip and tuck, or other physical enhancements per se...I'm a huge fan of glamor myself and partake daily of the glitz and gloss offered by the various cosmetic empires. And I certainly don't judge those who choose to go the way of the knife or needle. However, I do wonder how much of that outer work is done to cover up the inner need for love and acceptance.
I think the song by MercyMe says it best and I recommend you take a moment and give it a listen. You are beautiful, no matter what the world says. You are loved and cherished by a mighty God, and those who take the time to know you will see your value and never let you go.
Should you ever doubt your worth, give me a call. We'll share a cup of coffee and I'll tell you all of the great and wonderful things about you....namely, that you're you and no one else will ever compare. Ever. You're beautiful, just the way you are.
There is no physical cure for feeling rejected, no matter what the T.V. tells you. Your obsession with physical perfection will never, ever make you feel truly, deeply, and genuinely loved.
I know this isn't easy to hear, and most of you have stopped reading by now. It's alright, I understand. No really, I do. We live in a world where being young and pretty is valued above all else. Where a woman is judged by the size of her breasts rather than the size of her heart. It's easy to fall prey to the belief that if you look a certain way, love will be easy and life will be perfect. That somehow you can have the things that genetics denied you, and all will be right with the world.
But it's all a lie. A big, dangerous, and painful lie.
You can perfect the outside, but that doesn't fix what is broken on the inside. If you're lonely, lost, and feeling like you're missing out on life...then no amount of Botox is going to change that. You might look better, and feel better about yourself for a bit, but how will that last? A week? A month?
Not until you face yourself, flaws and all, will you understand your true value. Not until you embrace your uniqueness, will you learn to accept yourself.
I count myself fortunate that my faith has taught me that God loves me regardless of my physical attributes. No matter what my flaws, His love prevails...and nothing will ever change that. This is a truth that comforts me when my thoughts turn to the beauty of my youth. No matter what, I'm still beautiful...still important and valuable. In fact, I have never felt better about myself than I do now. Those who know me, the real me that dwells inside a flawed shell, are the only people worthy of letting into my life.
If you judge me by how I look, then you are not a person that I have time for because you have not learned how to truly love people. You still need to grow.
Now I'm not opposed to the occasional nip and tuck, or other physical enhancements per se...I'm a huge fan of glamor myself and partake daily of the glitz and gloss offered by the various cosmetic empires. And I certainly don't judge those who choose to go the way of the knife or needle. However, I do wonder how much of that outer work is done to cover up the inner need for love and acceptance.
I think the song by MercyMe says it best and I recommend you take a moment and give it a listen. You are beautiful, no matter what the world says. You are loved and cherished by a mighty God, and those who take the time to know you will see your value and never let you go.
Should you ever doubt your worth, give me a call. We'll share a cup of coffee and I'll tell you all of the great and wonderful things about you....namely, that you're you and no one else will ever compare. Ever. You're beautiful, just the way you are.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Cliff Diving
For most of my adult life I was a risk taker. I loved new challenges, trying new things, meeting new people, and enjoying life. I never hesitated if I saw a cliff...I just dove right off and laughed on the way down. Sometimes I hit the bottom and bruised my bum, and sometimes I caught a good wind and soared through the clouds. Either way, I loved every minute of it.
Besides, living a life of adventure would give me something to smile about if I made it to old age. Just imagine the stories I would be able to tell.
But after my divorce I felt judged and rejected. My self-esteem was bruised, my heart was battered, and I shut down emotionally. During this time I stopped taking chances out of fear of being hurt or humiliated again. I discovered ways to earn approval, and I sought praise. I was so afraid of rejection, I wanted acceptance from everyone. This felt nice for a little while, but I missed Me...and I was bored.
Thankfully my close friends stuck it out with me and reminded me that no matter how badly I screw things up, no matter how much I suck at life...God will never reject me, and He will still think I'm pretty awesome, even if others don't. This truth gave me the strength to start jumping off of cliffs again....to face life with open arms and courage, rather than fear.
One of those cliffs that needed courage was dating. I was in no mood to remarry, had no inclination of putting my heart on the line again, and certainly didn't want to be tied up in another suffocating relationship. Needless to say, when I met my husband I sucked it up and jumped. And yes, I'm still soaring with one of the world's most amazing men every created.
I know there are people who spend an enormous amount of time standing on the cliff just looking over the edge...but never finding the courage to jump. That fear of failure holds them hostage and they watch dreams die rather than take a chance.
There are negative consequences for hitting the bottom, no doubt about it. Sometimes it's public ridicule, other times it's financial failure or a broken heart.
However, there are positive consequences for soaring, like fulfilling a dream or meeting new friends.
Some guy named Newton once said that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. These reactions are often wonderful, but sometimes they really suck. Embrace it and remember that you can count on two things: your real friends will always stick by you, and God will always love you. Nothing you do will ever change this, and even if you do hit the bottom...there will be a nice, soft mattress to land on.
So, if you are standing on the cliff wondering whether or not you should jump into an adventure, remember that one day we might be sitting in our rocking chairs together and reminiscing about our past. Will you smiling and telling me grand stories, or will you be wishing you had some of your own?
(Thanks to Allison for the "great stories" reference.)
Besides, living a life of adventure would give me something to smile about if I made it to old age. Just imagine the stories I would be able to tell.
But after my divorce I felt judged and rejected. My self-esteem was bruised, my heart was battered, and I shut down emotionally. During this time I stopped taking chances out of fear of being hurt or humiliated again. I discovered ways to earn approval, and I sought praise. I was so afraid of rejection, I wanted acceptance from everyone. This felt nice for a little while, but I missed Me...and I was bored.
Thankfully my close friends stuck it out with me and reminded me that no matter how badly I screw things up, no matter how much I suck at life...God will never reject me, and He will still think I'm pretty awesome, even if others don't. This truth gave me the strength to start jumping off of cliffs again....to face life with open arms and courage, rather than fear.
One of those cliffs that needed courage was dating. I was in no mood to remarry, had no inclination of putting my heart on the line again, and certainly didn't want to be tied up in another suffocating relationship. Needless to say, when I met my husband I sucked it up and jumped. And yes, I'm still soaring with one of the world's most amazing men every created.
I know there are people who spend an enormous amount of time standing on the cliff just looking over the edge...but never finding the courage to jump. That fear of failure holds them hostage and they watch dreams die rather than take a chance.
There are negative consequences for hitting the bottom, no doubt about it. Sometimes it's public ridicule, other times it's financial failure or a broken heart.
However, there are positive consequences for soaring, like fulfilling a dream or meeting new friends.
Some guy named Newton once said that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. These reactions are often wonderful, but sometimes they really suck. Embrace it and remember that you can count on two things: your real friends will always stick by you, and God will always love you. Nothing you do will ever change this, and even if you do hit the bottom...there will be a nice, soft mattress to land on.
So, if you are standing on the cliff wondering whether or not you should jump into an adventure, remember that one day we might be sitting in our rocking chairs together and reminiscing about our past. Will you smiling and telling me grand stories, or will you be wishing you had some of your own?
(Thanks to Allison for the "great stories" reference.)
Monday, October 18, 2010
Gentle Warrior
We all have bad days because we're all fighting our own battles.
Every person you meet today is at war. Every person is struggling with some type of pain...physical or emotional. Every person is dealing with an unpleasant reality and is trying to survive as best they can.
It is pretty normal to want to lash out when faced with disappointment and doubt; to share the pain and spread some grumpiness. Misery loves company, right?
Consider for a moment that waiter who practically ignored you at lunch. Or that grocery clerk who bit your head off. How about your co-worker who emulates Lewis Black and does nothing but shout and complain all day long.
It's more than just an annoyance...it's frustrating.
I have heard that revenge is somewhat cathartic...but it accomplishes little. Go ahead and remind these people that their actions are inappropriate, or tell them you will not tolerate their behavior, but retaliation solves nothing.
Instead, take a moment and consider why this person is in such a foul mood. What battles are they fighting today? Do they have a sick family member? Are they dealing with an emotional loss? Or are they suffering from disappointment or abandonment?
I'm not suggesting we need to analyze people and try to figure out what their issue is...but if you can take a moment and remind yourself that this person's behavior has an unseen cause, you might remember that we all have bad days because we're all fighting a war.
Offer an encouraging word, or a gentle reminder that they are not alone. Your kindness can go a long way towards helping that person win their battle.
When you're having a bad day, how much better do you feel when someone treats you with kindness and respect? Facing our struggles is easier when we take the time to support each other...even strangers.
Life is messy and unpredictable. There are ups and downs and the good times will be punctuated by bad times. That's just how things are and we just have to suck it up and deal with it.
So the next time you see someone who looks like they might be losing their battle, offer kindness rather than retaliation. You might be the cavalry they were waiting for.
If you're having a bad day and need some back-up, give me a call. I've got your back. And I probably have some chocolate I can share to give us the energy to fight on.
Every person you meet today is at war. Every person is struggling with some type of pain...physical or emotional. Every person is dealing with an unpleasant reality and is trying to survive as best they can.
It is pretty normal to want to lash out when faced with disappointment and doubt; to share the pain and spread some grumpiness. Misery loves company, right?
Consider for a moment that waiter who practically ignored you at lunch. Or that grocery clerk who bit your head off. How about your co-worker who emulates Lewis Black and does nothing but shout and complain all day long.
It's more than just an annoyance...it's frustrating.
I have heard that revenge is somewhat cathartic...but it accomplishes little. Go ahead and remind these people that their actions are inappropriate, or tell them you will not tolerate their behavior, but retaliation solves nothing.
Instead, take a moment and consider why this person is in such a foul mood. What battles are they fighting today? Do they have a sick family member? Are they dealing with an emotional loss? Or are they suffering from disappointment or abandonment?
I'm not suggesting we need to analyze people and try to figure out what their issue is...but if you can take a moment and remind yourself that this person's behavior has an unseen cause, you might remember that we all have bad days because we're all fighting a war.
Offer an encouraging word, or a gentle reminder that they are not alone. Your kindness can go a long way towards helping that person win their battle.
When you're having a bad day, how much better do you feel when someone treats you with kindness and respect? Facing our struggles is easier when we take the time to support each other...even strangers.
Life is messy and unpredictable. There are ups and downs and the good times will be punctuated by bad times. That's just how things are and we just have to suck it up and deal with it.
So the next time you see someone who looks like they might be losing their battle, offer kindness rather than retaliation. You might be the cavalry they were waiting for.
If you're having a bad day and need some back-up, give me a call. I've got your back. And I probably have some chocolate I can share to give us the energy to fight on.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
You are Here
You are the most perfect You ever created.
Not since the beginning of time, and never will there be again anyone like You. Not even if you have a twin sibling is there anyone who is truly You. Every little experience, every little thought has created the very unique and wonderful person that is You.
Just the way our loving God intended.
There is no one who laughs quite like You. Whether it is a little chirpy giggle, or a full-on belly laugh...yours is special. No one gives advice like You do. No one listens like You do, or reassures like You can. No one can bring that specialness into a relationship, and no one can ever love quite like You.
There are things about You that your friends rely on, characteristics that your co-workers seek out and value in You. The people in your life, the ones who truly love You understand how important and special You are. Those that don't get You, well don't pay them any mind.
You won't appeal to everyone, and not just anyone will understand You. It's alright to stand out, to accept your uniqueness...to celebrate the things that make You truly You.
Right now You are right where You should be and exactly who You should be.
In a moment You will move...experience something that will change You slightly, and that's alright. You will continue to grow and change. You will continue to evolve into a better You... a more unique You.
And who You are is perfectly You, no matter who, what, or where that is.
If You forget that, call me. I'll remind You how awesome You are because we all should be reminded of that once in a while.
You rock.
Not since the beginning of time, and never will there be again anyone like You. Not even if you have a twin sibling is there anyone who is truly You. Every little experience, every little thought has created the very unique and wonderful person that is You.
Just the way our loving God intended.
There is no one who laughs quite like You. Whether it is a little chirpy giggle, or a full-on belly laugh...yours is special. No one gives advice like You do. No one listens like You do, or reassures like You can. No one can bring that specialness into a relationship, and no one can ever love quite like You.
There are things about You that your friends rely on, characteristics that your co-workers seek out and value in You. The people in your life, the ones who truly love You understand how important and special You are. Those that don't get You, well don't pay them any mind.
You won't appeal to everyone, and not just anyone will understand You. It's alright to stand out, to accept your uniqueness...to celebrate the things that make You truly You.
Right now You are right where You should be and exactly who You should be.
In a moment You will move...experience something that will change You slightly, and that's alright. You will continue to grow and change. You will continue to evolve into a better You... a more unique You.
And who You are is perfectly You, no matter who, what, or where that is.
If You forget that, call me. I'll remind You how awesome You are because we all should be reminded of that once in a while.
You rock.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Real Women Eat Cake
I wish more female "celebrities" would say something positive and empowering rather than just discussing her skeleton-like body, or her newest diet. We've all been bombarded by the scary skinny actresses on TV and in films, and it has seeped into our social mentality becoming an acceptable norm.
Ally McBeal and her crew were criticized back in the day, along with numerous other female stars for their unhealthy bodies...but things haven't changed.
It makes me sad and angry at the same time. Let's get realistic ladies, seriously.
The recent film Eat, Pray, Love touched on a very important part of life that so many women ignore...food is not the enemy, it is a pleasurable necessity. While not a fan of chick flicks in general...this one had a positive message. A message I wish more women would listen to.
How often do we women choose a rice cake over a piece of chocolate cake? How often do we choose grilled chicken rather than a luscious chicken parmigiana? We sacrifice and count calories stressing about every thing we eat and drink. We miss out on the joys of life starving for an ideal that most will never attain.
That thin woman on the TV screen isn't healthy. She's working out six days a week and living off of water and a gumdrop. She's been forced into an ideal that is unnatural and unrealistic. It's sad.
What is really pathetic is that we eat it up. Like the proverbial lemmings, we jump off of the cliff and try to force our bodies to do something that is mentally and physically unhealthy...stressing about our dress size and judging ourselves by standards so few women can meet.
And what is worse is that our daughters are watching. They learn to see themselves by how we see ourselves. They emulate us, and our body issues become their body issues and the cycle continues. We're creating a horrible and unhealthy legacy. Pretty dang pathetic, no?
In no way am I suggesting we abandon all sensibility and eat cake and lasagna seven days a week. Having had health issues in the past, I fully believe in being careful with what I eat. Informed eating habits and regular exercise are important to a healthy life. However, making good decisions about what we eat means we can occasionally have the pleasure of sharing an ice cream sundae, or savoring a beautiful dish of pasta.
I applaud women like Christina Hendricks of of Mad Men fame. She has embraced her curves and celebrated her femininity while succeeding in the world of Hollywood. She has accepted herself and that is no small matter.
The key is to accept yourself. Your genetics have a lot to say about your body and what is a natural shape and size. Some of us are super thin, others are curvy, and others are somewhere in the middle. All shapes are normal...and healthy. The media's idea of super-thin is unrealistic and pretty silly when all is said and done.
So, learn to accept yourself and your natural shape, realize that food is not the enemy, and take a moment to savor life.
If you forgot what it's like to enjoy food, give me a call. We'll do lunch...share a beautiful meal and then have a delightful piece of chocolate cake. Or maybe we'll just go right to the cake. Either way, I'm cool with it.
Ally McBeal and her crew were criticized back in the day, along with numerous other female stars for their unhealthy bodies...but things haven't changed.
It makes me sad and angry at the same time. Let's get realistic ladies, seriously.
The recent film Eat, Pray, Love touched on a very important part of life that so many women ignore...food is not the enemy, it is a pleasurable necessity. While not a fan of chick flicks in general...this one had a positive message. A message I wish more women would listen to.
How often do we women choose a rice cake over a piece of chocolate cake? How often do we choose grilled chicken rather than a luscious chicken parmigiana? We sacrifice and count calories stressing about every thing we eat and drink. We miss out on the joys of life starving for an ideal that most will never attain.
That thin woman on the TV screen isn't healthy. She's working out six days a week and living off of water and a gumdrop. She's been forced into an ideal that is unnatural and unrealistic. It's sad.
What is really pathetic is that we eat it up. Like the proverbial lemmings, we jump off of the cliff and try to force our bodies to do something that is mentally and physically unhealthy...stressing about our dress size and judging ourselves by standards so few women can meet.
And what is worse is that our daughters are watching. They learn to see themselves by how we see ourselves. They emulate us, and our body issues become their body issues and the cycle continues. We're creating a horrible and unhealthy legacy. Pretty dang pathetic, no?
In no way am I suggesting we abandon all sensibility and eat cake and lasagna seven days a week. Having had health issues in the past, I fully believe in being careful with what I eat. Informed eating habits and regular exercise are important to a healthy life. However, making good decisions about what we eat means we can occasionally have the pleasure of sharing an ice cream sundae, or savoring a beautiful dish of pasta.
I applaud women like Christina Hendricks of of Mad Men fame. She has embraced her curves and celebrated her femininity while succeeding in the world of Hollywood. She has accepted herself and that is no small matter.
The key is to accept yourself. Your genetics have a lot to say about your body and what is a natural shape and size. Some of us are super thin, others are curvy, and others are somewhere in the middle. All shapes are normal...and healthy. The media's idea of super-thin is unrealistic and pretty silly when all is said and done.
So, learn to accept yourself and your natural shape, realize that food is not the enemy, and take a moment to savor life.
If you forgot what it's like to enjoy food, give me a call. We'll do lunch...share a beautiful meal and then have a delightful piece of chocolate cake. Or maybe we'll just go right to the cake. Either way, I'm cool with it.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
How to be a Superhero
No, I'm not smoking something illegal, nor am I drinking any sort of alcoholic beverage. I'm completely serious when I say that I have super-human powers and should probably start my own League of Awesome or something.
What is this great power that I have? What incredible abilities have I been blessed with? Well...I am not faster than a speeding bullet and there is no way web-like sticky material is shooting out of my wrist. But, I have other powers that can change the entire momentum of the day. I can alter the mood of a room in a few short minutes. I can even take a sad situation and make it seem not-so-horrible.
How do I do it? Easy...simply refuse to give in to the grumpy (and you know how I feel about grumpy!). Grumpy is contagious, so be prepared! When you hear the grumpies start...you know, the whining, the complaining about innate and mundane issues, don't join in. I know it's easy to get pulled in...but don't.
Negativity is not productive.
Now this is where the super powers kick in. I have the ability to not only stop the negativity, but I also hold the power to change the course of that unproductive conversation and make it positive. When someone starts it...I cut it off and try to point out something positive. A dose of empathy and a constructive point of view...something that detours the pessimistic chatter down a happier road.
I admit I can be lazy and let those habitual complainers just go on and on (sometimes I have a moment of weakness and chime in...ugh). I'm somewhat convinced those continuously negative people are only happy when they are droning on about how much their life sucks. For those for which there is still hope...I swoop in and utilize my powers of positivity to save the day.
There are times when we all just have to vent...complain about that pain in the bootay boss, or throw a fit because life seems overwhelming. That's cool, we all do it and we all need to do it (and it helps when we have people who will listen to us). It's the constant and general whining about the banal and petty that is the issue here.
I'm not saving lives or taking down master villains from other planets like Super Man, but I am making someone's life a little less evil and a lot more productive.
It's God's job to save the world. It's our job to follow His lead and teach it what love looks like.
So...you can be a super hero as well. You can help others escape the horrors of the negativity monster and have a better day...perhaps a better week and beyond.
Sure, it sounds a little cheesy and you're probably tempted to roll your eyes (it's ok, I forgive you). But try it anyway.
If your cat is stuck in the tree...call Spidey or one of those other guys. You want to create a better and more productive environment? Then text me...or learn to do it yourself, but minus the normal superhero tights.
What is this great power that I have? What incredible abilities have I been blessed with? Well...I am not faster than a speeding bullet and there is no way web-like sticky material is shooting out of my wrist. But, I have other powers that can change the entire momentum of the day. I can alter the mood of a room in a few short minutes. I can even take a sad situation and make it seem not-so-horrible.
How do I do it? Easy...simply refuse to give in to the grumpy (and you know how I feel about grumpy!). Grumpy is contagious, so be prepared! When you hear the grumpies start...you know, the whining, the complaining about innate and mundane issues, don't join in. I know it's easy to get pulled in...but don't.
Negativity is not productive.
Now this is where the super powers kick in. I have the ability to not only stop the negativity, but I also hold the power to change the course of that unproductive conversation and make it positive. When someone starts it...I cut it off and try to point out something positive. A dose of empathy and a constructive point of view...something that detours the pessimistic chatter down a happier road.
I admit I can be lazy and let those habitual complainers just go on and on (sometimes I have a moment of weakness and chime in...ugh). I'm somewhat convinced those continuously negative people are only happy when they are droning on about how much their life sucks. For those for which there is still hope...I swoop in and utilize my powers of positivity to save the day.
There are times when we all just have to vent...complain about that pain in the bootay boss, or throw a fit because life seems overwhelming. That's cool, we all do it and we all need to do it (and it helps when we have people who will listen to us). It's the constant and general whining about the banal and petty that is the issue here.
I'm not saving lives or taking down master villains from other planets like Super Man, but I am making someone's life a little less evil and a lot more productive.
It's God's job to save the world. It's our job to follow His lead and teach it what love looks like.
So...you can be a super hero as well. You can help others escape the horrors of the negativity monster and have a better day...perhaps a better week and beyond.
Sure, it sounds a little cheesy and you're probably tempted to roll your eyes (it's ok, I forgive you). But try it anyway.
If your cat is stuck in the tree...call Spidey or one of those other guys. You want to create a better and more productive environment? Then text me...or learn to do it yourself, but minus the normal superhero tights.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Just Spit it Out!
Why (oh why!) do we have to torment our loved ones with those manipulative statements like, "I'm so fat/ugly/stupid...blah blah blah etc etc..."?
We all know that you don't really believe those things. You're just feeling insecure and need someone to jump to your rescue and say that you are skinny/beautiful/smart...etc and such. There is an easier, more humane way...truly there is.
You could just ask.
I hate guessing games so just tell me what you need and (because I love you), I'll see what I can do to get you feeling better about You. How silly is it to make derogatory statements about yourself and then hope someone chimes in and says the thing that you need to hear?
This isn't rocket science people, it's basic communication.
All of us have moments of insecurity when we need to hear that we are important. Every single one of us needs to know that we are special and that we matter. There is no shame in showing your vulnerable side and asking for a little reassurance now and again.
On the rare occasion when I've not done as well as I liked on a test at school, I tell my husband that I need to hear how wonderful he thinks I am. There is no guessing, no wondering how to get him to say the things I want to hear...it's an adult conversation which ensures my needs are met.
Sure, I could bemoan my stupidity or denigrate myself and wait for him to catch on...but that is a waste of time and energy. Our friends and family...ok, our real friends and some select relatives, will be more than happy to tell us what we need to hear. Part of a friend's job is to help us through tough times....so stop playing games and just ask them for help.
Now, not everyone is going to get it and you will still hear the occasional whining about someone being too fat/stupid/ugly/whatever....and to that I suggest you put your arms around them and let them know you understand they are feeling a bit down. Then ask them what they need to hear.
If you don't have any friends you can trust with your feelings...then dump those morons and give me a call. I'm always in the market for more genuine people in my life.
We all know that you don't really believe those things. You're just feeling insecure and need someone to jump to your rescue and say that you are skinny/beautiful/smart...etc and such. There is an easier, more humane way...truly there is.
You could just ask.
I hate guessing games so just tell me what you need and (because I love you), I'll see what I can do to get you feeling better about You. How silly is it to make derogatory statements about yourself and then hope someone chimes in and says the thing that you need to hear?
This isn't rocket science people, it's basic communication.
All of us have moments of insecurity when we need to hear that we are important. Every single one of us needs to know that we are special and that we matter. There is no shame in showing your vulnerable side and asking for a little reassurance now and again.
On the rare occasion when I've not done as well as I liked on a test at school, I tell my husband that I need to hear how wonderful he thinks I am. There is no guessing, no wondering how to get him to say the things I want to hear...it's an adult conversation which ensures my needs are met.
Sure, I could bemoan my stupidity or denigrate myself and wait for him to catch on...but that is a waste of time and energy. Our friends and family...ok, our real friends and some select relatives, will be more than happy to tell us what we need to hear. Part of a friend's job is to help us through tough times....so stop playing games and just ask them for help.
Now, not everyone is going to get it and you will still hear the occasional whining about someone being too fat/stupid/ugly/whatever....and to that I suggest you put your arms around them and let them know you understand they are feeling a bit down. Then ask them what they need to hear.
If you don't have any friends you can trust with your feelings...then dump those morons and give me a call. I'm always in the market for more genuine people in my life.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Not That Kind of Girl
If you're looking for someone to shop for overpriced handbags with, and then gossip about the latest celebrity scandal...we can't be friends.
If you're more concerned with your dress size than your ability to positively impact the lives of others, then we probably won't get along.
If you need to call someone at 3am because your boyfriend has cheated on you for the 15th time this year...please lose my number. Trust me, I'll only make you feel worse about sticking with a loser.
See, I believe that friendship is about trust, loyalty, and (most importantly) honesty. Friendship is about helping each other grow in a positive way, and it isn't my job to make you feel better by telling you lies; I'm here to help you be better by showing you the truth in love.
If I value you as a person (and I do), then I owe it to you to be truthful no matter how difficult it might be. And I expect the same from you...friendship is a two-way street.
I'm not suggesting that we should all criticize and berate each other for buying that hideously ugly red dress, or for dating Mr. Yourekiddingme. I'm suggesting that when our friends do epically stupid things (and we all will), we should offer support ...but we should also be a voice of reason if and when we're asked for our opinion.
Friendships should be a safe place for us to be ourselves, to make the stupid mistakes, and to be dorks of the biggest kind. Friendships should be where our hearts are safe and where we can be certain to hear the truth...no matter how difficult it is.
So, if you want the kind of friend who will tell you when you're being a goober, be your cheerleader through the obstacles in life, and will gladly stay up all night with you because you heart is broken...then call me and let's do lunch.
All others need not apply.
If you're more concerned with your dress size than your ability to positively impact the lives of others, then we probably won't get along.
If you need to call someone at 3am because your boyfriend has cheated on you for the 15th time this year...please lose my number. Trust me, I'll only make you feel worse about sticking with a loser.
See, I believe that friendship is about trust, loyalty, and (most importantly) honesty. Friendship is about helping each other grow in a positive way, and it isn't my job to make you feel better by telling you lies; I'm here to help you be better by showing you the truth in love.
If I value you as a person (and I do), then I owe it to you to be truthful no matter how difficult it might be. And I expect the same from you...friendship is a two-way street.
I'm not suggesting that we should all criticize and berate each other for buying that hideously ugly red dress, or for dating Mr. Yourekiddingme. I'm suggesting that when our friends do epically stupid things (and we all will), we should offer support ...but we should also be a voice of reason if and when we're asked for our opinion.
Friendships should be a safe place for us to be ourselves, to make the stupid mistakes, and to be dorks of the biggest kind. Friendships should be where our hearts are safe and where we can be certain to hear the truth...no matter how difficult it is.
So, if you want the kind of friend who will tell you when you're being a goober, be your cheerleader through the obstacles in life, and will gladly stay up all night with you because you heart is broken...then call me and let's do lunch.
All others need not apply.
Friday, July 9, 2010
5 Minutes
I am an airhead, and I make no apologies for my condition.
Thanks to a very short attention span and an obsession with multitasking, I do get a lot done...but I am a slave to my day-planner. Every hour of my day from the time I wake up in the morning to the moment I pass out at night, my time is accounted for.
If I didn't do this, I would accomplish very little and spend my time wandering from task to task bored and frustrated. That doesn't sound like much fun...and I don't do boring.
Because my day is so well planned out, I stick to my schedule I'm very productive when I focus. Unfortunately, because my day is so well planned out, I was missing out on the good stuff in life. I was so obsessed with marking things off of my list, I spent little time doing anything positive for anyone else...and that wasn't cool.
If we all focus on ourselves and forget to give a little love now and again...well that can lead to a lot of grumpy people. Grumpy people can really suck.
So, to remedy the situation, I added something to my daily schedule: 5 Mins <3
This is a time everyday where I was to do something positive for someone else...family member, friend, total and complete stranger, for 5 minutes. It could be something quick like sending a text letting them know I was thinking about them, writing a note and dropping it in the mail, praying for someone who was having a rough time in their life, or writing out a check for a couple of bucks to a local charity.
Anything that wasn't placing the focus on me and my to-do list qualified.
Before I knew it, I was looking forward to that 5 minutes. I was planning them days in advance and it became a real spark of sunshine for me.
Now imagine if ten of us did that. That's 50 minutes of unadulterated love going out to other people. How about if 20 of us did it? 100? How much joy could we send out if we just focused on others for a few short minutes a day?
If you're reading this, please consider dedicating 5 Minutes a day to doing something nice for someone else. Make a conscious effort to do something unexpected, unwarranted, and unselfish to improve the world in which we live.
Imagine how you can make someone's day by showing them a little kindness or paying them some attention. Imagine how cool it would be if someone did it for you.
So take 5 minutes, if not for yourself, then do it for me. I'm kinda tired of all of the grumpy people walking around.
Thanks to a very short attention span and an obsession with multitasking, I do get a lot done...but I am a slave to my day-planner. Every hour of my day from the time I wake up in the morning to the moment I pass out at night, my time is accounted for.
If I didn't do this, I would accomplish very little and spend my time wandering from task to task bored and frustrated. That doesn't sound like much fun...and I don't do boring.
Because my day is so well planned out, I stick to my schedule I'm very productive when I focus. Unfortunately, because my day is so well planned out, I was missing out on the good stuff in life. I was so obsessed with marking things off of my list, I spent little time doing anything positive for anyone else...and that wasn't cool.
If we all focus on ourselves and forget to give a little love now and again...well that can lead to a lot of grumpy people. Grumpy people can really suck.
So, to remedy the situation, I added something to my daily schedule: 5 Mins <3
This is a time everyday where I was to do something positive for someone else...family member, friend, total and complete stranger, for 5 minutes. It could be something quick like sending a text letting them know I was thinking about them, writing a note and dropping it in the mail, praying for someone who was having a rough time in their life, or writing out a check for a couple of bucks to a local charity.
Anything that wasn't placing the focus on me and my to-do list qualified.
Before I knew it, I was looking forward to that 5 minutes. I was planning them days in advance and it became a real spark of sunshine for me.
Now imagine if ten of us did that. That's 50 minutes of unadulterated love going out to other people. How about if 20 of us did it? 100? How much joy could we send out if we just focused on others for a few short minutes a day?
If you're reading this, please consider dedicating 5 Minutes a day to doing something nice for someone else. Make a conscious effort to do something unexpected, unwarranted, and unselfish to improve the world in which we live.
Imagine how you can make someone's day by showing them a little kindness or paying them some attention. Imagine how cool it would be if someone did it for you.
So take 5 minutes, if not for yourself, then do it for me. I'm kinda tired of all of the grumpy people walking around.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
It's Just Crap
"You might have cancer."
Not what I was expecting to hear while I was barreling down the freeway at top speed, but that's what I get for answering my cell phone while driving.
Once I finished my errands for the day, I headed home and contemplated this little bit of news.
Cancer. Hhhhmmmm......
Now there was only a 30% chance that I had cancer, so that meant there was a 70% chance I didn't have it. 30% doesn't sound like much, but when it concerns you then it is amazing how big that little number can be. Even so, I had decent odds.
The disease itself didn't scare me. If I had it I'd deal with it just I had dealt with everything else in life: head-on, but the not knowing was the worse part. 28 days between that phone call and the biopsy date, then an additional 2 weeks for results. That was a dreadfully long time.
Everything I did, everything I thought...it was there and it wouldn't go away.
It was during this time that I came to a very clear understanding of how stupid and crap-filled life can be. Commercials on TV trying to sell acceptance and power, the occasional superficial conversation I'd overhear at school, the mundane worry of test scores, complaining neighbors...all of it was just a waste of time.
It was all crap.
None of it was going to make a bit of difference if I were ill. None of it was going to make me better...none of it was going to help me through it. None of it was worth my time or energy.
What did matter were the people in my life and my faith. I gathered a little group of friends around me, wrapped myself up in my faith finding peace in prayer, clung to my husband's love, and waited out those very long and unsettling days.
I made some decisions during that time...decisions that could only be made with the understanding of what was important and what wasn't.
I decided I would never own anything I was afraid to lose. I like having a cool vehicle, and not having to walk everywhere is a wondrous thing, but in the end it's just a mode of transportation. I decided that I would tell the people that I love how I really felt about them. I decided that I would never own a house that impressed people, nor would I have anyone in my life that would be impressed by a fancy house. I would no longer worry about gaining weight, but focus on gaining health instead.
No matter what happened, I didn't want my life to be about stuff, about the superficial...about crap. I wanted it to be about making a positive difference in the lives of the people around me...not about what I did or what I accomplished.
In the end life isn't about the things we buy or the things we do. Life is about the bigger things...the intangibles like love and acceptance, joy and peace. Kids don't want more toys, they want more time. Friends don't want fancy gifts, they want to be accepted. Relationships aren't about fancy rings and expensive ceremonies, they are about finding someone who will give your heart a safe home no matter what life brings.
Looking back I grew a lot in that month of uncertainty. My faith in God became stronger, more comfortable. I learned the depth of my husband's love and devotion. And, thankfully, I became a better me.
As it turns out, I don't have cancer...I have pre-cancer, which is a fancy way of saying it could be cancer soon, they just don't know. So I will go in for my tests every few months or so, and I'll do my best to focus on what really matters in life.
And ignore the crap.
Not what I was expecting to hear while I was barreling down the freeway at top speed, but that's what I get for answering my cell phone while driving.
Once I finished my errands for the day, I headed home and contemplated this little bit of news.
Cancer. Hhhhmmmm......
Now there was only a 30% chance that I had cancer, so that meant there was a 70% chance I didn't have it. 30% doesn't sound like much, but when it concerns you then it is amazing how big that little number can be. Even so, I had decent odds.
The disease itself didn't scare me. If I had it I'd deal with it just I had dealt with everything else in life: head-on, but the not knowing was the worse part. 28 days between that phone call and the biopsy date, then an additional 2 weeks for results. That was a dreadfully long time.
Everything I did, everything I thought...it was there and it wouldn't go away.
It was during this time that I came to a very clear understanding of how stupid and crap-filled life can be. Commercials on TV trying to sell acceptance and power, the occasional superficial conversation I'd overhear at school, the mundane worry of test scores, complaining neighbors...all of it was just a waste of time.
It was all crap.
None of it was going to make a bit of difference if I were ill. None of it was going to make me better...none of it was going to help me through it. None of it was worth my time or energy.
What did matter were the people in my life and my faith. I gathered a little group of friends around me, wrapped myself up in my faith finding peace in prayer, clung to my husband's love, and waited out those very long and unsettling days.
I made some decisions during that time...decisions that could only be made with the understanding of what was important and what wasn't.
I decided I would never own anything I was afraid to lose. I like having a cool vehicle, and not having to walk everywhere is a wondrous thing, but in the end it's just a mode of transportation. I decided that I would tell the people that I love how I really felt about them. I decided that I would never own a house that impressed people, nor would I have anyone in my life that would be impressed by a fancy house. I would no longer worry about gaining weight, but focus on gaining health instead.
No matter what happened, I didn't want my life to be about stuff, about the superficial...about crap. I wanted it to be about making a positive difference in the lives of the people around me...not about what I did or what I accomplished.
In the end life isn't about the things we buy or the things we do. Life is about the bigger things...the intangibles like love and acceptance, joy and peace. Kids don't want more toys, they want more time. Friends don't want fancy gifts, they want to be accepted. Relationships aren't about fancy rings and expensive ceremonies, they are about finding someone who will give your heart a safe home no matter what life brings.
Looking back I grew a lot in that month of uncertainty. My faith in God became stronger, more comfortable. I learned the depth of my husband's love and devotion. And, thankfully, I became a better me.
As it turns out, I don't have cancer...I have pre-cancer, which is a fancy way of saying it could be cancer soon, they just don't know. So I will go in for my tests every few months or so, and I'll do my best to focus on what really matters in life.
And ignore the crap.
Monday, July 5, 2010
New and Improved....and Homogeneous?
I've never been a fan of make-over shows. In fact, the very idea of "making over" someone bothers me.
There are different types of these shows, like How Do I Look where "friends" send a loved one up the river and the poor victim is forced to watch her favorite outfits be tossed away. I tried to watch...but it was far too painful as the hostess with the mostest attitude belittles the unfashionable guest and makes fun of her clothing choices to the glee of fashion "experts" and friends.
Tasteless...really and truly tasteless.
There is another popular format where the victim is given rules and educated on how to dress for her body type. The guest is told what looks best for her and her lifestyle, then sent out to shop. What Not to Wear is just such a show.
While the last of these two format types is the least objectionable...they both enjoy the snarky and bitchy comments associated with those who "do" fashion, and the basic premise is this idea that we want people to blend in with the rest of society.
Is this a good thing?
Yes, certain occasions require specific clothing choices: suits for interviews, wet suits for diving, and hard-hats for construction areas...but isn't there room for being unique? Whatever happened to that little independence streak we had in high school? Where is that little rebel?
Perhaps that little rebel has been beaten into submission by all of the cutting remarks, and now just wants to blend in and avoid any negative attention. Pity.
I understand that dressing like a college frat boy or a wannabe porn-star might be detrimental to teaching First Grade. If either of these people request assistance in dressing in a way that is more appropriate for their prospective field of work, then that's cool. But it's not cool to approach them and suggest it.
Very not cool.
Our society has a pretty specific dress-code...but can we lay off those who want to stand out a little? I like the unique people...the artsy and independent thinkers who have found their own groove and don't fear being different. I adore and admire them.
As a former Vogue reader, I have always marveled at the idea of fashion...I love clothes and the million different ways to express who I am by how I dress. It's a game of fun and color...nothing serious.
Lighten up people. We're adults, but we're not dead.
If I have chosen to blend in, then be sure it's a conscious decision on my part to do so...a means to an end...but I will never, ever choose my clothing, hair style or anything else in order to please you.
You're just not that important.
There are different types of these shows, like How Do I Look where "friends" send a loved one up the river and the poor victim is forced to watch her favorite outfits be tossed away. I tried to watch...but it was far too painful as the hostess with the mostest attitude belittles the unfashionable guest and makes fun of her clothing choices to the glee of fashion "experts" and friends.
Tasteless...really and truly tasteless.
There is another popular format where the victim is given rules and educated on how to dress for her body type. The guest is told what looks best for her and her lifestyle, then sent out to shop. What Not to Wear is just such a show.
While the last of these two format types is the least objectionable...they both enjoy the snarky and bitchy comments associated with those who "do" fashion, and the basic premise is this idea that we want people to blend in with the rest of society.
Is this a good thing?
Yes, certain occasions require specific clothing choices: suits for interviews, wet suits for diving, and hard-hats for construction areas...but isn't there room for being unique? Whatever happened to that little independence streak we had in high school? Where is that little rebel?
Perhaps that little rebel has been beaten into submission by all of the cutting remarks, and now just wants to blend in and avoid any negative attention. Pity.
I understand that dressing like a college frat boy or a wannabe porn-star might be detrimental to teaching First Grade. If either of these people request assistance in dressing in a way that is more appropriate for their prospective field of work, then that's cool. But it's not cool to approach them and suggest it.
Very not cool.
Our society has a pretty specific dress-code...but can we lay off those who want to stand out a little? I like the unique people...the artsy and independent thinkers who have found their own groove and don't fear being different. I adore and admire them.
As a former Vogue reader, I have always marveled at the idea of fashion...I love clothes and the million different ways to express who I am by how I dress. It's a game of fun and color...nothing serious.
Lighten up people. We're adults, but we're not dead.
If I have chosen to blend in, then be sure it's a conscious decision on my part to do so...a means to an end...but I will never, ever choose my clothing, hair style or anything else in order to please you.
You're just not that important.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Be Nice or Be Gone*
They have the innate ability to suck the joy out of any occasion and can turn a happy celebration into a wake in under 3 minutes flat. They can even make perpetually positive people, such as myself, contemplate the sweet release of ritual suicide in order to escape them.
They are the Concrete Shoe people.
I call them this because they drag you down as if you were wearing weighted footwear into a hypothetical swimming pool...pulling you down, down, down into the darkness that is their world.
Their words are toxic, their attitude is acidic, and they are easy to spot with their sour faces and critical glare. Right now you are probably picturing one in your mind aren't you? You know exactly the person I'm talking about.
I'm not referring to those people who excel at sarcasm and come armed with a sharp whit. On the contrary, I love them. Irony? Huge fan! Dry humor? Yes, please.
No, the Concretes are devoid of humor and lack the ability to enjoy the levity in life.
There isn't a situation they cannot twist. Won the Pulitzer? They'll find a grammatical error! Won the lottery? They'll quote statistics to show you how unhappy you will eventually become. Happily married? Never fear! They'll relate every horrible divorce story they can think of. Had a bad day? Oh their day was FAR worse than yours (what were you thinking?).
Nothing is safe from the Concretes.
Nothing.
The Concretes are not any fun to have around and I try to avoid them at all cost, but they do manage to find me from time to time. It is always a painful experience.
Now, I have been blessed with a seemingly endless supply of empathy for most people and normally I can find a modicum of compassion for anyone. However, the Concretes thwart my every effort. No matter how hard I look to find something to like about them...I come back empty handed.
It's a major struggle, believe me.
Lord knows I give it my all and do work hard on remaining civil during those horror filled moments...but it takes every ounce of willpower to not grab them by the collar, pull them close so that we are standing nose-to-nose and hiss between clenched teeth, "For the sake of all that is good and holy SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!"
I get that we all have bad days. I am a full believer in venting, throwing fits, or letting off steam...but a full-on Lewis Black routine every waking hour is just too much.
I'm sorry you've had a bad day/week/month/life...really I am (seriously, not an ounce of sarcasm there...honest!). But if life really sucks that badly, then do something about it. It's your life and only you can choose to change it.
If you are so miserable that you have to bring everyone around you down to your level, then you need therapy and possibly an enema. You obviously have a case of the grumpies that cannot be cured by ice-cream and hugs...you need serious help my friend.
But my faith says I'm to love my fellow humans, right? Absolutely! I love even the grumpy people...but I don't have to like them. I certainly don't have to hang out with them and be bombarded by their non-stop toxic verbage. I can love them from a distance...and I will.
If you ask for prayer, need to talk about what is bothering you, or are just feeling lonely and need a friend...I'm all over that. Not a problem...glad to help. But if you want to just whine and complain, or criticize, then move along...there is nothing to see here.
*Title taken from a sign once on display at my favorite Cocoa deli.
They are the Concrete Shoe people.
I call them this because they drag you down as if you were wearing weighted footwear into a hypothetical swimming pool...pulling you down, down, down into the darkness that is their world.
Their words are toxic, their attitude is acidic, and they are easy to spot with their sour faces and critical glare. Right now you are probably picturing one in your mind aren't you? You know exactly the person I'm talking about.
I'm not referring to those people who excel at sarcasm and come armed with a sharp whit. On the contrary, I love them. Irony? Huge fan! Dry humor? Yes, please.
No, the Concretes are devoid of humor and lack the ability to enjoy the levity in life.
There isn't a situation they cannot twist. Won the Pulitzer? They'll find a grammatical error! Won the lottery? They'll quote statistics to show you how unhappy you will eventually become. Happily married? Never fear! They'll relate every horrible divorce story they can think of. Had a bad day? Oh their day was FAR worse than yours (what were you thinking?).
Nothing is safe from the Concretes.
Nothing.
The Concretes are not any fun to have around and I try to avoid them at all cost, but they do manage to find me from time to time. It is always a painful experience.
Now, I have been blessed with a seemingly endless supply of empathy for most people and normally I can find a modicum of compassion for anyone. However, the Concretes thwart my every effort. No matter how hard I look to find something to like about them...I come back empty handed.
It's a major struggle, believe me.
Lord knows I give it my all and do work hard on remaining civil during those horror filled moments...but it takes every ounce of willpower to not grab them by the collar, pull them close so that we are standing nose-to-nose and hiss between clenched teeth, "For the sake of all that is good and holy SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!"
I get that we all have bad days. I am a full believer in venting, throwing fits, or letting off steam...but a full-on Lewis Black routine every waking hour is just too much.
I'm sorry you've had a bad day/week/month/life...really I am (seriously, not an ounce of sarcasm there...honest!). But if life really sucks that badly, then do something about it. It's your life and only you can choose to change it.
If you are so miserable that you have to bring everyone around you down to your level, then you need therapy and possibly an enema. You obviously have a case of the grumpies that cannot be cured by ice-cream and hugs...you need serious help my friend.
But my faith says I'm to love my fellow humans, right? Absolutely! I love even the grumpy people...but I don't have to like them. I certainly don't have to hang out with them and be bombarded by their non-stop toxic verbage. I can love them from a distance...and I will.
If you ask for prayer, need to talk about what is bothering you, or are just feeling lonely and need a friend...I'm all over that. Not a problem...glad to help. But if you want to just whine and complain, or criticize, then move along...there is nothing to see here.
*Title taken from a sign once on display at my favorite Cocoa deli.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
H8TE
John 3:16 says, "God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."
See where it says, "the WORLD"? It means the whole world and everyone in it. God loves us all equally and His love is offered for everyone...not just the white, middle-class, straights with 2.5 kids, a dog named Fluffy and an SUV. Everyone, no exceptions.
So where is the love?
I bring this up because the ongoing argument about gay marriage has devolved into a hate-filled, cruel and mean-spirited fight seeking to disenfranchise an entire group of people. Those who are leading the charge against them include many who call themselves Christians. This saddens me greatly. I hold no shame in saying that I'm a believer in Christ and that belief brings me an extraordinary amount of joy and peace, but I am ashamed of some of the actions undertaken by people who claim to share my faith.
The whole issue just breaks my heart.
In no way do I want to tell people what to do, think, or believe...that's not my purpose here. What I want to do is explain my view...why I do not support these propositions, and why I think those who follow Christ would better serve Him by focusing on loving people rather than on alienating them and treating them like second-class citizens. When did a gay person stop being a part of the whole "world" thing we discussed earlier? Are my gay friends less important and less-deserving of their constitutional freedoms then my straight friends? Should they not be able to pledge themselves to the person they love and appreciate the privileges that accompany that?
Do not tell me that a man has any less right to visit his lifelong partner in the hospital than I do, simply because of our genders. How can we deny such basic human rights?
California's Proposition 8, along with Florida's Prop 2, sought to limit the legal definition of marriage to one man and one women. What bothers me here is that we basically asked the government to define a private relationship. A marriage is a contract between two people...two adults capable of making their own decisions. Why do we want the government involved? It's a personal relationship.
If marriage is based on a religious and/or a personal idea of commitment, then no governmental agency should be allowed to step in and decide how it should be defined. Ensuring the people entering this private contract are adults and maintaining the necessary statistics and such...sure, that's what we need civil authorities for...but stay out of our private lives and our personal beliefs.
Some of the proponents of these laws claim that the original definition of marriage was between a man and a women, and should continue to be defined as such. I understand that. If one group's religious doctrine states that only a boy and a girl can wed....then no one should be able to tell them otherwise, nor force their leaders to perform any weddings that go against what their religion or philosophy prescribes. The government, and everyone else, should respect religious doctrines and butt out...it doesn't concern you.
If another religion decides that two consenting adults of any gender can make a lifelong commitment, that's their choice. Leave them be and stop being so demeaning to people who do not think like you.
The freedom to practice religion means that people don't have to worship in such a way that goes against their beliefs. How is that so difficult to understand?
One religious ideology should not be able to define how the rest of the nation is run. I do not want another person's set of beliefs to be forced upon me...and I have no right to force my faith upon anyone else. Period.
What really upsets me...more than the politics and the fights over ideologies, is the amount of money wasted on this topic. Some reports state that over $80 million was spent on California's prop alone, with $39.9 million of that spent by those wanting to pass the amendment.
Nearly $40 million. Christ spoke about love, about caring for each other and sharing His grace with the world. How can we honestly say that millions of dollars spent on such a hateful campaign shows any kind of love and compassion to others?
Some statistics show that nearly 15 million children globally die of starvation every year. Statistics in the US are pretty scary as well. $40 million would have gone a long way to serve these innocent lives.
There is a disheartening news story about an elderly man who died of hypothermia in his own home in Michigan in 2009. Where were the Christians? Where were his neighbors? How could this man, a veteran of a WWII, have died alone and freezing in his own home...in our civilized and much blessed nation?
I don't know how this fight will end. Either way there will be broken hearts and a lot of upset people...but my commitment remains to Christ and showing His love and grace to the world...even if it means that I will anger and alienate a lot of the people who claim to share my faith.
See where it says, "the WORLD"? It means the whole world and everyone in it. God loves us all equally and His love is offered for everyone...not just the white, middle-class, straights with 2.5 kids, a dog named Fluffy and an SUV. Everyone, no exceptions.
So where is the love?
I bring this up because the ongoing argument about gay marriage has devolved into a hate-filled, cruel and mean-spirited fight seeking to disenfranchise an entire group of people. Those who are leading the charge against them include many who call themselves Christians. This saddens me greatly. I hold no shame in saying that I'm a believer in Christ and that belief brings me an extraordinary amount of joy and peace, but I am ashamed of some of the actions undertaken by people who claim to share my faith.
The whole issue just breaks my heart.
In no way do I want to tell people what to do, think, or believe...that's not my purpose here. What I want to do is explain my view...why I do not support these propositions, and why I think those who follow Christ would better serve Him by focusing on loving people rather than on alienating them and treating them like second-class citizens. When did a gay person stop being a part of the whole "world" thing we discussed earlier? Are my gay friends less important and less-deserving of their constitutional freedoms then my straight friends? Should they not be able to pledge themselves to the person they love and appreciate the privileges that accompany that?
Do not tell me that a man has any less right to visit his lifelong partner in the hospital than I do, simply because of our genders. How can we deny such basic human rights?
California's Proposition 8, along with Florida's Prop 2, sought to limit the legal definition of marriage to one man and one women. What bothers me here is that we basically asked the government to define a private relationship. A marriage is a contract between two people...two adults capable of making their own decisions. Why do we want the government involved? It's a personal relationship.
If marriage is based on a religious and/or a personal idea of commitment, then no governmental agency should be allowed to step in and decide how it should be defined. Ensuring the people entering this private contract are adults and maintaining the necessary statistics and such...sure, that's what we need civil authorities for...but stay out of our private lives and our personal beliefs.
Some of the proponents of these laws claim that the original definition of marriage was between a man and a women, and should continue to be defined as such. I understand that. If one group's religious doctrine states that only a boy and a girl can wed....then no one should be able to tell them otherwise, nor force their leaders to perform any weddings that go against what their religion or philosophy prescribes. The government, and everyone else, should respect religious doctrines and butt out...it doesn't concern you.
If another religion decides that two consenting adults of any gender can make a lifelong commitment, that's their choice. Leave them be and stop being so demeaning to people who do not think like you.
The freedom to practice religion means that people don't have to worship in such a way that goes against their beliefs. How is that so difficult to understand?
One religious ideology should not be able to define how the rest of the nation is run. I do not want another person's set of beliefs to be forced upon me...and I have no right to force my faith upon anyone else. Period.
What really upsets me...more than the politics and the fights over ideologies, is the amount of money wasted on this topic. Some reports state that over $80 million was spent on California's prop alone, with $39.9 million of that spent by those wanting to pass the amendment.
Nearly $40 million. Christ spoke about love, about caring for each other and sharing His grace with the world. How can we honestly say that millions of dollars spent on such a hateful campaign shows any kind of love and compassion to others?
Some statistics show that nearly 15 million children globally die of starvation every year. Statistics in the US are pretty scary as well. $40 million would have gone a long way to serve these innocent lives.
There is a disheartening news story about an elderly man who died of hypothermia in his own home in Michigan in 2009. Where were the Christians? Where were his neighbors? How could this man, a veteran of a WWII, have died alone and freezing in his own home...in our civilized and much blessed nation?
I don't know how this fight will end. Either way there will be broken hearts and a lot of upset people...but my commitment remains to Christ and showing His love and grace to the world...even if it means that I will anger and alienate a lot of the people who claim to share my faith.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Labels Schmabels
I am fairly laid back and like let people find their own groove in life. As long as they don't interfere with my groove, everything is cool. But the one thing that that annoys me to no end...something that lessens the quality of all of our lives, is relying upon labels in order to understand others.
It can be insulting, rude, and ignorance is never a good thing. Ever.
I'm not saying we shouldn't identify people according to some agreed upon standard. That would be silly. Labels in general help us communicate and to manage the chaos. Knowing what a person does for a living, what their political leanings are, or getting their view of religion can communicate volumes....but we can't stop there.
Our culture is getting lazy and we tend to just slap a label on the forehead of a person and place them in a box thinking we totally get them. People think they know me, but I have to wonder if they really do. How many of the so-called "friends" in our lives have taken the time to truly understand who we are...not according to their own opinions and expectations, but from our perspective?
I cannot tell you how many times I've had people assume things about me that leave me baffled. No, I don't correct them any more...if they really cared, they would take the time to find the truth. I'm so not wasting the energy on them if they aren't willing to expend any energy on me.
Because I'm a Christian people assume that I love James Dobson, I'm a right-wing fanatic, I hate gays, and that science scares me. This happens so often now that I have learned to just shake my head laugh to myself.
Because I am a perpetual jokester some people think I must not be very bright and never take anything seriously. Whatever.
And one of my all time faves: because I am so laid back, I need guidance on how I should run my life. Puhlease!
The list goes on and on...and on.
I'm guilty of judging the book by its cover too, and I'm the first to admit it. When I met my husband he was the biggest nerd I had ever seen (Okay, he still is...). He thinks calculus is relaxing, that gadgets are the epitome of cool, and studied chemical physics because it was interesting.
Naturally, I thought he'd have no interest in a social science major who loves art and has a shoe addiction. He was a nerd and I didn't even know what the square root of Pi was (nor did I care). But I was incorrect. There is so much more to him than his love of science and other brainiac endeavors. Taking the time to get to know him has been one of the smartest things I've ever done.
It all worked out for the best with my husband, but now I try very hard to look past what people are and try to see who they are.
It would be way cool if people would do the same for me and everyone else out there.
Thanks.
It can be insulting, rude, and ignorance is never a good thing. Ever.
I'm not saying we shouldn't identify people according to some agreed upon standard. That would be silly. Labels in general help us communicate and to manage the chaos. Knowing what a person does for a living, what their political leanings are, or getting their view of religion can communicate volumes....but we can't stop there.
Our culture is getting lazy and we tend to just slap a label on the forehead of a person and place them in a box thinking we totally get them. People think they know me, but I have to wonder if they really do. How many of the so-called "friends" in our lives have taken the time to truly understand who we are...not according to their own opinions and expectations, but from our perspective?
I cannot tell you how many times I've had people assume things about me that leave me baffled. No, I don't correct them any more...if they really cared, they would take the time to find the truth. I'm so not wasting the energy on them if they aren't willing to expend any energy on me.
Because I'm a Christian people assume that I love James Dobson, I'm a right-wing fanatic, I hate gays, and that science scares me. This happens so often now that I have learned to just shake my head laugh to myself.
Because I am a perpetual jokester some people think I must not be very bright and never take anything seriously. Whatever.
And one of my all time faves: because I am so laid back, I need guidance on how I should run my life. Puhlease!
The list goes on and on...and on.
I'm guilty of judging the book by its cover too, and I'm the first to admit it. When I met my husband he was the biggest nerd I had ever seen (Okay, he still is...). He thinks calculus is relaxing, that gadgets are the epitome of cool, and studied chemical physics because it was interesting.
Naturally, I thought he'd have no interest in a social science major who loves art and has a shoe addiction. He was a nerd and I didn't even know what the square root of Pi was (nor did I care). But I was incorrect. There is so much more to him than his love of science and other brainiac endeavors. Taking the time to get to know him has been one of the smartest things I've ever done.
It all worked out for the best with my husband, but now I try very hard to look past what people are and try to see who they are.
It would be way cool if people would do the same for me and everyone else out there.
Thanks.
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