Applying to graduate programs in psychology is an arduous journey of rewriting essays, endless (somewhat silly) application questions, and moments of complete and utter frustration that usually end in tears and questioning one's sanity. There are claims that getting into a Ph.D. program in psychology is far more difficult than being accepted into medical school. I do not recommend this particular career choice for the faint of heart.
When I made the decision two years ago to pursue a doctoral degree in psychology I made a list of the requirements and set to it. I did everything I possibly could to look like the model student, even forgoing sleep and a social life for the sake of scientific research. I was determined to succeed and didn't even entertain the idea that I might not get in to a program. Come on, I'm awesome...who could possibly reject me? Seriously, is it even possible?.
But now as I wait for acceptance letters, I realize that not getting into a doctoral program is actually an option. While I wait for 3 more schools to clue me on my application status, I have to face the fact that I might not be accepted anywhere.
Just so that we're clear, I'm a very strong applicant, but my undergraduate degree in anthropology appears to be a detriment to my current goals...and some schools just can't seem to deal with someone who didn't major in psychology. A little close-minded and childish on their part if you ask me, but I digress.
So, with limited options I will soon set out to pursue a Master's degree in psychology before going after the Ph.D. programs again. Overall, it's been a sad journey thus far...one where I find myself occasionally bathing in self-pity and shedding tears of anger for the time I've spent working towards this goal. How dare they not accept Me!
It was during one of these moments of embattled bitterness where I received a giant kick to the head. I was grumbling and cursing the schools for the lack of vision in accepting such an awesome student when I received a letter from a child I sponsor through Compassion International. I've sponsored Michele, a sweet little 14 year-old from Haiti, for about 8 years now. She struggles with her math classes but loves to sing and play basketball.
Oh, and did I mention she lives in Haiti?
In her latest letter she thanks me for the Christmas gift I had sent and talks about her parents and how she is doing better with her math homework. Michele says that she prays for me and my family every night before she goes to sleep. She also talks about the damage her village continues to deal with since the earthquake last year, the shortage of fresh water and how so many people around her are dieing from a plague of cholera.
Yes, this child is watching people die from a plague while I sit on my rather privileged behind and whine about not being accepted in a Ph.D. program.
Shallow much?
I'm still a bit perturbed that I have to expend the time and energy to apply to various Master's programs...and I'm annoyed each and every time I receive the dreaded, "Thanks, but no thanks" letter, but my perspective has changed a bit.
I have the means and opportunity to apply these programs, which will move me towards my goal of working with and counseling adolescents. I have the support of a wonderful husband and I've been blessed with incredible mentors who believe in me and my abilities. While I dread the essays and banal application questions, my life is pretty sweet.
I live in a country where women can pursue not only an advanced degree, but we can attend college without fearing for our lives. I have been so blessed that I will probably never have to fear a lack of food or worry about a plague of cholera sweeping through my town. I am fortunate to have the talent and determination to fight for my goals and to follow my dreams no matter which path they take.
I'm pretty dang fortunate, and it took a little girl living in poverty to remind me how fortunate I am.
An important lesson was learned here: it's not so much where you are, but how you choose to see where you are. Yes, rejection sucks and there is no way to sugar coat it. Yes, running into road blocks on your way to success hurts, but if you're not willing to bruise a knee now and then in order to reach your goal...then you probably don't deserve it anyway.
If you don't get what you want, when you want it...at least you're not worrying about a lack of fresh water for your village.
Thanks Michele, I really did need that.
I needed to take a step back and check out the larger picture here. I trust that life holds wonderful things for me, because that is what my faith tells me. I trust that God has some pretty cool opportunities for me in my future, and if I'm wallowing in my pity pool I might miss them.
So, if you're having one of those moments when life seems unfair and you're wondering why the universe is joining forces against you, then give me a call. We can have a cup of coffee and share a large helping of reality. And we can start working on Plan B.
