Responsible Speaking: How Words Shape the World

So a bit of controversy was stirred up when a “reality” TV personality made a statement explaining his views on how other people live.  Phil Robertson apparently quoted the Bible, expressed his religious beliefs, and caused a media storm of such epic proportions that even I couldn’t hide from the fallout (and I did try).

Personally, I don’t care what his beliefs are or how he interprets the Bible.  I really couldn’t care less if he worships Twinkies and believes we’re all reincarnated as Nac Mac Feegles who steal sheep for a living (that does sound like fun, doesn’t it?).  Nothing against Mr. Robertson, but his beliefs, like the beliefs of all “celebrities” and other public figures, have absolutely no bearing on my life, my faith, or my way of thinking.  He simply has no relevance in my little universe.  Zip. Zero. Nada.

However, because he is a public figure who works for a private company - Robertson has faced a bit of a fallout, which includes public outrage and a suspension from taking part in filming his show for A & E.  And as a public figure, his words get a lot of media coverage, and people take notice regardless of the intent of his words.  Unfortunately, in our world people on television are far more influential in our communities than teachers, or even (sadly) parents on occasion - and I’m not holding out hope that it will change any time soon.

Again - I don’t personally care what Robertson believes, but I do care about the affect his statement has on our society, the people I love (who deserve to live without facing oppressive comments from anyone), and the kids who hear it.  There is an old cliché that claims that sticks and stones cause harm, but words are innocuous.  Well, that little saying is a pure metric ton of bullcrappage and I’m really tired of people not acknowledging the harm their words can inflict on others.

Words are powerful.  If you don’t believe me, go up to someone who respects you and tell them that they are a loser and see if they aren’t a wee bit emotionally pained.  Tell someone that you love and admire them and you will see someone who feels accepted.  That is power, my friends.

Please (pretty please?) don’t start talking about Robertson’s 1st Amendment right to free speech.  No one is denying he has to right to say what he wants without fearing government censorship or imprisonment (which is what that amendment says.  No really, I’ve read it and I’d never lie to you).  No one who understands the meaning behind the freedom of speech guarantee is debating his right to speak out in whatever venue he is offered.  But his employer does have the right to terminate employment or suspend him according to their policies.  TV is a billion dollar a year business, and businesses don’t like it when employees mess with their financial bottom line.  It agitates the execs something fierce.

When I talk about taking responsibility, I am talking about paying attention to how our words impact society and shape how young people see the world - and themselves.  In a time when children as young as 12 are killing themselves because they are harassed and ostracized by their peers, and as bullying and peer violence is becoming more commonplace in news reports, perhaps it’s time for us adults to step back and consider what our words are really saying to the kids who are listening.

The brains of adolescents (specifically the frontal cortex) are not developed enough to think critically about statements public figures make, and these youth are extremely susceptible to outside influences due to the power of the social-emotional area of their brains (Steinberg, 2007).  Add to that the way in which children look to adults to learn how to emulate “normal" behaviors, and we have an issue on our hands because we are exposing them to hateful, oppressive, and even exclusionary speech - and they may start to believe that this is not only okay, it's a normal part of our world.

When we talk about how one group (any group) of people are bad or wrong - or inferring that they are somehow not normal by using terms like "sinning," we are making judgments about those people.  I know, I know - I’ve heard the whole “hate the sin, not the sinner” mantra, but that’s not how it shakes out in real life.  When we judge behaviors, we are judging those who are manifesting those behaviors.  You cannot claim to accept (or love) someone and then negate part of who they are - that’s just not realistic or genuine.

And what this says to kids is, “if you’re not like the rest of us - you’re wrong.”  And feeling wrong can translate to feelings of shame, guilt, and isolation, which can turn into depression, anxiety - and even worse.  How can we expect children to accept themselves and each other when adults cannot even show a modicum of tolerance for those who believe differently than they do? (I’m looking at you, Congress).  When non-heterosexuals face ridicule, threats of violence, state-sanctioned oppression, and even incarceration for life (Uganda - we're on to you) - how can we even hope to create a safe and supportive environment for children and teens who are struggling to figure out who they are?

Robertson can keep on saying whatever he wants and believing as he sees fit - but the next time we decide to make a big deal out of what some “famous” person says publicly, let’s take a few seconds and try to understand how that message is shaping our world, and what it’s saying to our children - and maybe talk to the kids about how it makes them feel.  The next time we are tempted to think that words are simply a string of harmless sounds that emanate from our lips, let’s remember that words can create strong emotions and reactions in all of us - and can have negative consequences for the most vulnerable of humans.

~Erika

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Steinberg, L. (2007). Risk taking in adolescence: New perspectives from brain and behavioral science. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 16(2), 55-59. doi:10.1111/j. 1467-8721.2007.00475.x 

With thanks to my friend Adam for his bumper sticker statement and motivating me to write about the silliness of it all.