You're Not the Boss of Me

I’m fortunate to do work that I love with so many amazing people.  Some of these people have lived painful lives, yet they manage to hold on to the rare moments of joy.  Others have moved from one disappointment to another without ever giving up.  They are quiet heroes who trust themselves enough to be beautifully human.

People think that it's my role to help others find their truth.  However, this week I was the one who learned something very profound, and I wanted to share it with you because I believe that it is important:

Making friends with our emotions helps us to make friends with ourselves.

Life is not constant, it is not perfect - nor is it meant to be.  We cannot control the world around us, but we can decide how we react to it.  Sometimes we react to the world without thinking, without giving ourselves the space to understand what we are reacting too.  

Sometimes we move when we don't know which direction is the right one for us.

It can be a challenge to deal with the world around us we face unexpected struggles.  This is usually when we react without thinking and become subjugated by our feelings.  Emotions are a huge part of being human, but not everyone is comfortable with all of those strange swirls of sentiment churning around inside of us.  

Emotions can be difficult to manage and hard to accept...unless we are willing to spend some quality time with them.

The biggest problem with these sensations is that we’ve been convinced that they only come in two sizes: good and bad.  Believing that feelings have a specific value limits how we view them.  If we consider an emotion to be bad, then we aren’t going to be comfortable with experiencing it, are we?  And that can limit how we view our own experiences.

But what if emotions are just...emotions?  Not good or bad, not right or wrong.  How about accepting that they are simply a part of us - the part of us that makes us wonderfully complicated and beautifully flawed beings with the capability to experience amazing things.  

Sometimes we do feel anger, or hate, or disappointment - things that society tells us are wrong, but these sentiments are quite normal and perfectly acceptable.  

Emotions can be problematic when they cause actions that harm others through hurtful words or inappropriate actions.  Or when we fail to accept that what is going on inside of us is natural.  How often have we turned against ourselves for not reacting the way we want to, or for experiencing some sentiment that doesn’t jive with our particular brand of logic?

Rather than turn that anger inward, why not sit with those emotions and get to know them? Go ahead and befriend them and accept that they are a part of you - and You are pretty awesome.

As I end the week I look forward to getting better acquainted with those intangible sensations that bounce about inside of me as I go about my life.  This week was pretty awesome - and with my emotions as my allies rather than occasionally bossy me about, the future will undoubtedly be pretty amazing.

Love and Chocolate,

~Erika

Bullies & Other Annoying Things

Most people who know me understand that I spend between 12 and 15 hours a day, 7 days a week working towards my goal of advocating for marginalized adolescents in at-risk environments, and to ensure that future laws and policies are written in ways that will protect and encourage our nation’s youth.  Helping kids and their families is my passion and my calling, so it takes something major to tear me away from my work.

Today, something major occurred and I think it warrants some attention: Bullies.

One of the greatest inventions of our time is the internet.  It has allowed people from all regions of the world to form a global community where we can break down harmful stereotypes, share positive ideas, and work towards ending horrors like poverty, wars, violence, human trafficking, and the other ills that humanity continues to face around the world.

On the other hand, the internet can be used for terrible things as well, and one of its most annoying uses is to bully people that they disagree with, or spread untruths that do far more harm than good.  Some people may still believe that bullying only happens in schools.

Sadly, no.

Social media is ubiquitous and, as was seen during the Spring Uprisings in the Middle East, it can be used for good such as informing the world about those courageous enough to fight against oppressive regimes.  But it can also be used for smear campaigns that don’t actually solve anything.  Rather than lashing out with words and attacking innocent people, how about donating to an organization that does work for good - or volunteer your time, or be a person who makes a positive difference in the world?

Why not effect positive change?  Because being a bully is easy.

Doing something positive takes work.  Finding out the truth and ensuring that you’re making positive change means using your mind and your hands rather than your mouth.

Seeking the truth and working for the good of others is hard.  Attacking people and bullying those who won’t cower to your threats is easy and it allows the bullies to proclaim that they are important defenders of whatever cause they are supposed to be defending without having to do any actual work.

It is no simple task to help another human - it demands compassion, selflessness, and true passion.  I salute those who have quietly dedicated their lives to doing good and making the world a better place.  I applaud those who seek out the truth and ensure that their words are used to uplift and empower rather than needlessly assault and demean.  To defend a person when it means you may lose all that you hold dear is a sacrifice not many would be brave enough to make.

To those facing bullies, I pray for you and wish you strength and peace in your struggles.  You are not alone, and you are valued.

To the bullies, I offer my sympathy and my compassion.  I don’t pretend to understand why people bully, or what pain lives so deep in their hearts that they need to lash out. But I feel sorry for them...and I hope that they will someday learn to use their energy for good and perhaps they will understand what it means to really do something worthwhile.

For now...I believe that those who take the time to really change things for good far out number the bullies. Through my work I see the bad that people can do - but I still see more good in the world, and that is a truth worth knowing.

Love and chocolate,
~Erika