We have all had the need to turn to a friend and unleash our frustration and dismay. Venting to a trusted loved one has a wonderful cathartic effect that soothes the spirit and gives us the energy needed to take a deep breath and face the world with our emotions under control.
Why this works so well I can only speculate. Perhaps it is being connected to another soul and knowing that we matter enough for them to listen. Maybe it is the power of being accepted by another person, even when we feel the need to undertake a verbal assault on the perceived injustices in the world.
Maybe it is knowing that we are truly being heard.
While this may be emotionally therapeutic for the person doing the venting, what about the person we have chosen as our listener? What is their role in our outburst?
I’m not sure if it is the unconscious desire to protect the ones we love, or to fix problems when we see our friends and family hurting, but sometimes when people come to us intending to unburden themselves of their negative emotions, we react in ways that may be unwelcome. For example, when we listen to a friend vent about an evil boss or they have an unfortunate situation with a family member... we are probably brimming with advice. We may have an overwhelming need to tell them how to correct the problem, or how to deal with the issue at hand.
But chances are they are not looking for advice. An emotional outburst does not mean they need rescuing. For all of our good intentions, we probably haven’t a clue what this person needs...because we often fail to ask them.
So what do we do when someone comes to us with a momentary crisis? How do we respond when someone we care about is having a tough time with a complicated situation? How do we make things better for the people that matter to us?
I can tell you from experience that there are four little words that can transform a negative situation into a tolerable one. One simple sentence that can ease the burden of whatever issue is weighing us down. It is so easy to say, so simplistic in it’s meaning that it seems hardly worth repeating out loud...but I can assure you from personal experience that it is one of the most profound things anyone can ever say:
“What do you need?”
With this one question you are offering your love, offering support, and letting that person know that you are willing to help them get what they need to make it through their moment of frustration. Nothing eases the spirit like an offering of sincere assistance. Nothing gives us courage more than knowing we are not facing troubled times alone.
Nothing comforts like being honestly cared for by another person. That alone can change our view of the world in extraordinary ways.
So the next time you have the privilege of listening to a loved one release their frustration, remember that you are more than just a willing ear. You have the opportunity to encourage, support, love, and comfort with just four little words.
Should you find yourself needing to open your heart and let loose the things that torment you, feel free to call me. I promise I won’t try to rescue you or give you advice you don’t want. I will let you know that you matter, that I believe in you and take care to ask what you are in need of. I’ll bring the chocolate as well.
