We have all lost something in our lives. We lose jobs, we lose bets...last week I lost an earring. Unfortunately, sometimes we lose people. Between the pain and the numbness, we sit demoralized by the sudden emptiness that invades our world.
The beauty of loss is that in order to lose something, we must have had something of value to begin with. When we lose someone, it means that we had someone who mattered to us. It also means that we mattered to someone as well. Our life was filled with the joy of friendship and we are better because of that bond.
Yesterday I lost a friend. He was a friend who taught me that I could disagree vehemently and passionately with someone, but still share a mutual respect and appreciation. I learned that laughing over our differences was far more enjoyable than allowing intolerance to determine my feelings for others.
Through loss we gain a hollow place in our life that yearns to be filled. We are given a gift, a place to store the memories and the smiles that we’ve collected through the years. We’re given the opportunity to spend some time reminiscing about the events that have shaped us and brought us together.
And all people shape us when they touch our lives.
Had we not risked loss we would have missed out on the person we are today; missed out on the experiences and joys that decorate our past with smiles and laughter. Loss is not easy, but loss means so much more than simply no longer having something of value. Loss means we were blessed enough to have had someone in our life that changed us, loved us, and made us better.
When you find yourself in the midst of pain, missing someone who is no longer with us, remember that their life continues to shine through in the ways they touched your heart.
Peace out my friend.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Life is Now
We have two hands. You cannot hold on to yesterday with one hand, reach for the future with the other, and expect to fully grasp the beauty of today. Trying to juggle regrets from your past and organize your hopes for the days ahead spreads out your focus and robs you of the present.
What has transpired has formed you, molded you into the person you are at this moment and your journey thus far is a celebration of your uniqueness. Life is messy and our past can leak into our present, dredging up painful memories or reminding us that we’ve made mistakes. It chips away at today and steals energy that can be better utilized in the now...but you don’t have to let it.
Sometimes the future is so enticing, so filled with hopes and wonder that it’s difficult to concentrate on the beauty of the moment. If our current task is a bit banal, it’s tempting to turn our thoughts to the future where life might contain more excitement or fully realized dreams, but what of the present? Why are we willing to rush through our days, hoping for things that may never come?
We are not guaranteed anything beyond the now. No one knows what the future holds, or if it will even come. Right here is where we are, where we truly exist. We all have goals and plans for a great future, but how much better will tomorrow be if we allow ourselves to live every second of today?
Take advantage of the time that you have been given. Relish the very breath you take this second. Grab the opportunity to express your love and gratitude for the people in your life because every experience, every interaction makes our journey richer and more meaningful.
Why wish it all away?
If you're having a difficult time focusing on the here and now...call me. We can enjoy a cup of coffee and share the joy of living in the moment together.
What has transpired has formed you, molded you into the person you are at this moment and your journey thus far is a celebration of your uniqueness. Life is messy and our past can leak into our present, dredging up painful memories or reminding us that we’ve made mistakes. It chips away at today and steals energy that can be better utilized in the now...but you don’t have to let it.
Sometimes the future is so enticing, so filled with hopes and wonder that it’s difficult to concentrate on the beauty of the moment. If our current task is a bit banal, it’s tempting to turn our thoughts to the future where life might contain more excitement or fully realized dreams, but what of the present? Why are we willing to rush through our days, hoping for things that may never come?
We are not guaranteed anything beyond the now. No one knows what the future holds, or if it will even come. Right here is where we are, where we truly exist. We all have goals and plans for a great future, but how much better will tomorrow be if we allow ourselves to live every second of today?
Take advantage of the time that you have been given. Relish the very breath you take this second. Grab the opportunity to express your love and gratitude for the people in your life because every experience, every interaction makes our journey richer and more meaningful.
Why wish it all away?
If you're having a difficult time focusing on the here and now...call me. We can enjoy a cup of coffee and share the joy of living in the moment together.
Friday, September 9, 2011
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Having spent 30 years of my life as a raving atheist, and having been raised by one, I developed an amazing skill at religious debate along with an ability to deal with strangers who thought they knew what was best for me. Years of being preached at and informed of the error of my ways opened my eyes to the general intolerance of people, and I was not impressed.
Thirteen years ago when I started my current journey of faith it was a personal journey and one which concerned no one else. I do not live my life according to the whims of others, and I certainly did not need the approval of anyone before I altered my philosophical leanings.
I now refuse to debate because I just don’t care what you believe. Seriously, it’s your life and you need to figure it out on your own. Me trying to convince you isn’t going to help you out...and it’s a huge time-drain on my already packed schedule. If you have questions about my faith as a Christian Quaker as part of a respectable adult conversation, ask away. If you want to tell me I’m wrong, don’t waste your breath.
Voltaire said, “Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too.” Sounds like a plan to me.
That said, through the years I’ve noticed that more and more people have become obsessed with trying to get others to think as they do. How did forcing your ideas on another person become cool? Honestly, there is this wonderful thing called free will and I expect that all of us would like to use it as we see fit. You’re really cute with your opinions and all, but save it. I recall something about freedom of expression, including religious expression, being one of the founding ideas of our country. Did someone change that when I wasn’t looking?
With the 10th anniversary of the attacks of 9/11 just around the corner, it’s difficult to not recall the treatment of Muslims following those devastating events. The paranoia and hatred that took hold was embarrassing and cruel. As I mourned with my beloved nation, I also wept for the injustice that took hold of her heart.
The heroism demonstrated that fateful day by the first responders is a shining example of how we all should treat our fellow humans. These amazing men and women didn’t stop and ask what a person believed before they pulled them from the burning rubble, nor did they care what philosophy a dying person adhered to before they comforted them in their last moments. There were no lines drawn between people, only an understanding that someone was in pain and needed help. And help these heroes did. This is how we should all act in our everyday lives.
Today, there remains a fear of those who are not white and middle class...those who think differently and believe things that we don’t agree with. That’s a burden we all carry and need to work to change it. In a world that needs healing, there is no place for this.
What we need is a huge dose of respect for all people and an understanding that a person has the right to believe what they want. As groups of so-called Christians rule mainstream religion and force their way into politics, as many atheists try to sterilize society against anything they disagree with...it’s difficult to believe we will ever get to a place where people willingly respect one another.
My closest circle of friends, those I rely on and truly trust come from a wide-range of religions including Sikh, Muslim, Judaism, Christian fundamentalist, Buddhist, and humanistic Atheist. I love them equally and admire who they are as people. They enrich my life in a multitude of ways and I would feel a great loss were they not here. As with any good relationship we rely on mutual respect and admiration, accepting our differences and learning from our unique world-views.
Yes, my faith means a lot to me and I am comfortable with who I am. I don’t use it to be morally righteous...I do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. I don’t use it as an excuse to belittle others, because that would be childish. My faith works for me...I hope your faith, or un-faith as the case my be, works for you. I truly hope that you find what you need.
When a person demeans another because he or she doesn’t think as they do, they show themselves to be close-minded and weak. When they disrespect the beliefs of another person, they disrespect all of us, and that’s not cool on any level.
We live in a world where humanity is drowning in a sea of hate and intolerance. Our societies are crumbling around us, greed rules the heart and devours the integrity of our leaders . If we can’t learn to accept our differences and respect each other, then we really need to grow-up and start acting like adults.
Thirteen years ago when I started my current journey of faith it was a personal journey and one which concerned no one else. I do not live my life according to the whims of others, and I certainly did not need the approval of anyone before I altered my philosophical leanings.
I now refuse to debate because I just don’t care what you believe. Seriously, it’s your life and you need to figure it out on your own. Me trying to convince you isn’t going to help you out...and it’s a huge time-drain on my already packed schedule. If you have questions about my faith as a Christian Quaker as part of a respectable adult conversation, ask away. If you want to tell me I’m wrong, don’t waste your breath.
Voltaire said, “Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too.” Sounds like a plan to me.
That said, through the years I’ve noticed that more and more people have become obsessed with trying to get others to think as they do. How did forcing your ideas on another person become cool? Honestly, there is this wonderful thing called free will and I expect that all of us would like to use it as we see fit. You’re really cute with your opinions and all, but save it. I recall something about freedom of expression, including religious expression, being one of the founding ideas of our country. Did someone change that when I wasn’t looking?
With the 10th anniversary of the attacks of 9/11 just around the corner, it’s difficult to not recall the treatment of Muslims following those devastating events. The paranoia and hatred that took hold was embarrassing and cruel. As I mourned with my beloved nation, I also wept for the injustice that took hold of her heart.
The heroism demonstrated that fateful day by the first responders is a shining example of how we all should treat our fellow humans. These amazing men and women didn’t stop and ask what a person believed before they pulled them from the burning rubble, nor did they care what philosophy a dying person adhered to before they comforted them in their last moments. There were no lines drawn between people, only an understanding that someone was in pain and needed help. And help these heroes did. This is how we should all act in our everyday lives.
Today, there remains a fear of those who are not white and middle class...those who think differently and believe things that we don’t agree with. That’s a burden we all carry and need to work to change it. In a world that needs healing, there is no place for this.
What we need is a huge dose of respect for all people and an understanding that a person has the right to believe what they want. As groups of so-called Christians rule mainstream religion and force their way into politics, as many atheists try to sterilize society against anything they disagree with...it’s difficult to believe we will ever get to a place where people willingly respect one another.
My closest circle of friends, those I rely on and truly trust come from a wide-range of religions including Sikh, Muslim, Judaism, Christian fundamentalist, Buddhist, and humanistic Atheist. I love them equally and admire who they are as people. They enrich my life in a multitude of ways and I would feel a great loss were they not here. As with any good relationship we rely on mutual respect and admiration, accepting our differences and learning from our unique world-views.
Yes, my faith means a lot to me and I am comfortable with who I am. I don’t use it to be morally righteous...I do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. I don’t use it as an excuse to belittle others, because that would be childish. My faith works for me...I hope your faith, or un-faith as the case my be, works for you. I truly hope that you find what you need.
When a person demeans another because he or she doesn’t think as they do, they show themselves to be close-minded and weak. When they disrespect the beliefs of another person, they disrespect all of us, and that’s not cool on any level.
We live in a world where humanity is drowning in a sea of hate and intolerance. Our societies are crumbling around us, greed rules the heart and devours the integrity of our leaders . If we can’t learn to accept our differences and respect each other, then we really need to grow-up and start acting like adults.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Not My Problem
Once upon a time I censored my thoughts and emotions. I’d tell people what they wanted to hear, not what they needed to hear.
True story.
But that was before I understood that withholding the truth was the same as lying. That was before I realized that if we truly and honestly care for a person, we offer the truth, and we do it in love and with love.
Relationships aren’t always cut and dry, nor do they come with guarantees. Relationships grow and evolve depending upon shared experiences and mutual acceptance. Ties are often stretched and twisted until they either grow stronger or they break.
For relationships to remain strong, honesty is a non-negotiable necessity. Love has no room for lies and trust is based on truth. By censoring ourselves, we are only undermining our relationships and denying ourselves.
When we speak in truth it is important that we also speak in love, not in pride or with arrogance. When we share our heart, we must do it simply and honestly without expectations or demands.
What if our truth offends? What if the things in our heart causes pain or threatens to destroy the bonds of our relationship?
So what if it does?
You are not in control of what people feel, think, or do. You are responsible for how you present your view, but you are not responsible for how someone else reacts to it.
If I share my heart with you and it causes you pain, it would sadden me. However, to hold my truth in silence and keep my heart from you would be dishonest because to love you means to be honest with you. To care for you means to be open with you.
Yes, it is risky to put our thoughts and emotions out there, but living a lie is even riskier. If you knew I was involved in a self-destructive behavior, would you tell me? If I was doing something that hurt you, would you let me know? If you cared about me, you would because that’s what love requires.
If I took your words as antagonistic and cruel, that would not be your problem. You are not responsible for what I feel any more than I’m responsible for your reactions to my thoughts.
When I tell you that I love you, what I’m really saying is that I care about you enough to be honest regardless of the consequences. When I tell you that I love you, I’m saying that I trust you enough to share my heart with you even if it means losing you.
I’d rather live without you than have you live without the truth.
True story.
But that was before I understood that withholding the truth was the same as lying. That was before I realized that if we truly and honestly care for a person, we offer the truth, and we do it in love and with love.
Relationships aren’t always cut and dry, nor do they come with guarantees. Relationships grow and evolve depending upon shared experiences and mutual acceptance. Ties are often stretched and twisted until they either grow stronger or they break.
For relationships to remain strong, honesty is a non-negotiable necessity. Love has no room for lies and trust is based on truth. By censoring ourselves, we are only undermining our relationships and denying ourselves.
When we speak in truth it is important that we also speak in love, not in pride or with arrogance. When we share our heart, we must do it simply and honestly without expectations or demands.
What if our truth offends? What if the things in our heart causes pain or threatens to destroy the bonds of our relationship?
So what if it does?
You are not in control of what people feel, think, or do. You are responsible for how you present your view, but you are not responsible for how someone else reacts to it.
If I share my heart with you and it causes you pain, it would sadden me. However, to hold my truth in silence and keep my heart from you would be dishonest because to love you means to be honest with you. To care for you means to be open with you.
Yes, it is risky to put our thoughts and emotions out there, but living a lie is even riskier. If you knew I was involved in a self-destructive behavior, would you tell me? If I was doing something that hurt you, would you let me know? If you cared about me, you would because that’s what love requires.
If I took your words as antagonistic and cruel, that would not be your problem. You are not responsible for what I feel any more than I’m responsible for your reactions to my thoughts.
When I tell you that I love you, what I’m really saying is that I care about you enough to be honest regardless of the consequences. When I tell you that I love you, I’m saying that I trust you enough to share my heart with you even if it means losing you.
I’d rather live without you than have you live without the truth.
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