Not My Problem

Once upon a time I censored my thoughts and emotions. I’d tell people what they wanted to hear, not what they needed to hear.

True story.

But that was before I understood that withholding the truth was the same as lying. That was before I realized that if we truly and honestly care for a person, we offer the truth, and we do it in love and with love.

Relationships aren’t always cut and dry, nor do they come with guarantees. Relationships grow and evolve depending upon shared experiences and mutual acceptance. Ties are often stretched and twisted until they either grow stronger or they break.

For relationships to remain strong, honesty is a non-negotiable necessity. Love has no room for lies and trust is based on truth. By censoring ourselves, we are only undermining our relationships and denying ourselves.

When we speak in truth it is important that we also speak in love, not in pride or with arrogance. When we share our heart, we must do it simply and honestly without expectations or demands.

What if our truth offends? What if the things in our heart causes pain or threatens to destroy the bonds of our relationship?

So what if it does?

You are not in control of what people feel, think, or do. You are responsible for how you present your view, but you are not responsible for how someone else reacts to it.

If I share my heart with you and it causes you pain, it would sadden me. However, to hold my truth in silence and keep my heart from you would be dishonest because to love you means to be honest with you. To care for you means to be open with you.

Yes, it is risky to put our thoughts and emotions out there, but living a lie is even riskier. If you knew I was involved in a self-destructive behavior, would you tell me? If I was doing something that hurt you, would you let me know? If you cared about me, you would because that’s what love requires.

If I took your words as antagonistic and cruel, that would not be your problem. You are not responsible for what I feel any more than I’m responsible for your reactions to my thoughts.

When I tell you that I love you, what I’m really saying is that I care about you enough to be honest regardless of the consequences. When I tell you that I love you, I’m saying that I trust you enough to share my heart with you even if it means losing you.

I’d rather live without you than have you live without the truth.