There was a man who was so passionate about coffee that he spent much of his time and energy working to create his perfect cup. After years of research, he felt he had found perfection.
Having created his wondrous combination of brewed coffee, he wanted to share this magical discovery with his friends. Imagine his disappointment when they mocked his work by adding two spoonfuls of sugar, or (gasp) pouring cream into his perfectly brewed concoction. Feeling insulted by the actions of his friends, he vowed to never again serve anyone coffee in his home, lest they ruin it with their barbaric practices.
He had offered what he felt was the best way to enjoy coffee, and they had rejected it. Rather than accepting his opinion of what perfect coffee truly is, they took his work and adjusted it to meet their own tastes and preferences. They had adapted it to fulfill their needs, but he could not understand that. He thought he knew what was best and refused to acknowledge that anyone else may want, or need something different.
Does this allegorical man remind you of anyone? He reminds me of those people who are convinced that their beliefs are so perfect that they should be applied universally without question, without alteration. They are the only ones who are completely correct and anyone who fails to follow their ideology is wrong and should be demeaned and ridiculed as much as possible.
What they fail to understand is that everyone has their own experiences that only they can fully appreciate. No two people view the world in the same way and no one has the right to decide for someone else. No one has the right to define what another believes.
No one.
Berating someone for not thinking like you or demeaning others because their beliefs are different is childish and petty. It takes a mature person to understand and accept the needs of others, and to acknowledge that our beliefs, no matter how comforting we may find them, may not fulfill the longing experienced by another.
Why are there so many differing sects in Christianity, or variations in Judaism? Why do atheists and agnostics hold fast to their thoughts on God? Because we all look at the world through our personal experiences. Each of us has journeyed along a path that is unique to us and no one else can truly understand it.
I do not care what you believe, but I respect your right to believe it. I politely request that you do the same for me.
Just as I determine how I take my coffee, I also determine how I take my faith...I don’t need anyone else to define it for me. I'm good thanks. Please pass the sugar.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Losing Altitude, Gaining Attitude
There is an oft repeated adage that says that rejection builds character. I disagree. I believe that rejection builds attitude, and it’s up to us to determine which attitude it builds.
I received a rather polite NO this morning, and even though I was expecting it, it was still unpleasant. Sometimes a NO can make us feel like we are not good enough, or that we didn’t work hard enough...but whatever the reason, we can use it to our advantage.
After allowing myself a few hours of pouting (if only to rationalize having another piece of chocolate with breakfast), I set aside some time to remind myself that this isn’t personal. Yes, it does feel personal, but it really isn’t.
Rejection always hurts. No matter how strong we are, a pain still pierces our heart when faced with NO. Such a small, yet powerful syllable that can turn a great morning into a mediocre day. I’ve written about the power of NO before, but please remember that its range is limited and recovery is usually quick if we keep perspective.
I could lash out in anger, say horrible things about the people who rejected me, shout degrading things at my email for delivering me such horrible news, or even rationalize reasons why this other person was chosen over me (e.g., they must know someone on the inside!).
Or I can put aside my emotions for a moment and find a way to learn from this.
I did not get what I wanted because it was not mine to have. Truly. Someone else was obviously better suited, probably better qualified, and was a better fit for the position. This does not mean I am lacking, nor does it mean that my work isn’t good enough. Comparing myself and my work to some stranger I’ll never meet is just silly.
If it isn't a match, it isn't a match. Why would I blame myself?
Rather than focus on the things that may have kept me from getting what I want, I would rather look at the characteristics I do have that will eventually work in my favor. Setbacks are a great time to reevaluate our game-plan, take another look at ourselves, and consider alternative routes to our goal.
It gives us time to remember why we’re doing this in the first place and readjust our attitude, if necessary.
Rejection isn’t the end of the road. It’s just a detour along the more scenic route.
The next time you get a NO, call me. We can take the long way together. I’ll bring the chocolate.
I received a rather polite NO this morning, and even though I was expecting it, it was still unpleasant. Sometimes a NO can make us feel like we are not good enough, or that we didn’t work hard enough...but whatever the reason, we can use it to our advantage.
After allowing myself a few hours of pouting (if only to rationalize having another piece of chocolate with breakfast), I set aside some time to remind myself that this isn’t personal. Yes, it does feel personal, but it really isn’t.
Rejection always hurts. No matter how strong we are, a pain still pierces our heart when faced with NO. Such a small, yet powerful syllable that can turn a great morning into a mediocre day. I’ve written about the power of NO before, but please remember that its range is limited and recovery is usually quick if we keep perspective.
I could lash out in anger, say horrible things about the people who rejected me, shout degrading things at my email for delivering me such horrible news, or even rationalize reasons why this other person was chosen over me (e.g., they must know someone on the inside!).
Or I can put aside my emotions for a moment and find a way to learn from this.
I did not get what I wanted because it was not mine to have. Truly. Someone else was obviously better suited, probably better qualified, and was a better fit for the position. This does not mean I am lacking, nor does it mean that my work isn’t good enough. Comparing myself and my work to some stranger I’ll never meet is just silly.
If it isn't a match, it isn't a match. Why would I blame myself?
Rather than focus on the things that may have kept me from getting what I want, I would rather look at the characteristics I do have that will eventually work in my favor. Setbacks are a great time to reevaluate our game-plan, take another look at ourselves, and consider alternative routes to our goal.
It gives us time to remember why we’re doing this in the first place and readjust our attitude, if necessary.
Rejection isn’t the end of the road. It’s just a detour along the more scenic route.
The next time you get a NO, call me. We can take the long way together. I’ll bring the chocolate.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Stealing Time
In the past few weeks I’ve developed a really bad habit. I’ve given away all of my time and forgot to save some for myself.
From the moment I wake up in the morning to that blessed hour when I fall into bed weary and spent, my time has belonged to someone else. As a graduate student I expected to have my days filled with coursework and other school-related demands. As a women I expected to have my evenings dedicated to caring for the home and ensuring things continued to run smoothly. As a writer I knew I would spend those rare hours in between classes, pounding away at my keys in hopes that the creative juices I rely on aren’t too tired to flow.
I did not expect to give away every waking second to these pursuits. I did not expect to give away all of my time, yet I have and now I must find a way to get it back before I forget why I am doing all of this.
There is a passion that drives me in my studies. For many years now I’ve had my eye on a goal and, knowing myself, I knew that I would do whatever necessary to get it all done...even if it means reading endless articles about Freud and pretending I care about him and his theories. I do not regret a moment of the hard work I’ve done.
My husband is my world and I love nothing more than to take care of him and make him smile. He is one of the hardest working and most loving people I know, and I admire all that he has accomplished. Caring for him and getting such pure devotion in return is one of the most satisfying feelings I’ve experienced.
Writing and sharing is very much a part of my identity. If I even try to imagine a world where I no longer put my thoughts to paper, where my imagination is stifled and these ideas are trapped in my mind with no means of expression...that would be a sad world for me.
So what do I do? How do I ensure that I have enough time to recharge my spirit and still meet my personal goals...without sacrificing the quality of my undertakings?
I am going to steal back my time. Little by little, minute by minute...I'm taking it all back.
I allowed other things to become a priority over my own needs and that is going to end now, right now. I cannot give outwardly without giving inwardly to myself first. I cannot send all of my energy out and expect to be filled at the end of the day. How can I offer faith and support to others if it's been days since I've meditated upon my own faith, or sought support for myself?
These past few weeks have been an eye-opener and I’ve learned a lot about how strong and resilient I really am, but I don't have to be strong all of the time. It was a lesson that I had to learn on my own, on my own terms, but I think that’s how we all learn isn’t it? We all have to navigate our own road and find the right path for ourselves.
Well, I did and I am happy to have found this new way through to tomorrow. This road works for me.
What steals your time? What empties you out so that at the end of the day you have nothing left for yourself? What are you going to do about it?
If you aren't sure how to get your time back, give me a call. We can sit quietly together and contemplate in silence, or share some cake and laughter...because it's our time and we control how we spend it.
From the moment I wake up in the morning to that blessed hour when I fall into bed weary and spent, my time has belonged to someone else. As a graduate student I expected to have my days filled with coursework and other school-related demands. As a women I expected to have my evenings dedicated to caring for the home and ensuring things continued to run smoothly. As a writer I knew I would spend those rare hours in between classes, pounding away at my keys in hopes that the creative juices I rely on aren’t too tired to flow.
I did not expect to give away every waking second to these pursuits. I did not expect to give away all of my time, yet I have and now I must find a way to get it back before I forget why I am doing all of this.
There is a passion that drives me in my studies. For many years now I’ve had my eye on a goal and, knowing myself, I knew that I would do whatever necessary to get it all done...even if it means reading endless articles about Freud and pretending I care about him and his theories. I do not regret a moment of the hard work I’ve done.
My husband is my world and I love nothing more than to take care of him and make him smile. He is one of the hardest working and most loving people I know, and I admire all that he has accomplished. Caring for him and getting such pure devotion in return is one of the most satisfying feelings I’ve experienced.
Writing and sharing is very much a part of my identity. If I even try to imagine a world where I no longer put my thoughts to paper, where my imagination is stifled and these ideas are trapped in my mind with no means of expression...that would be a sad world for me.
So what do I do? How do I ensure that I have enough time to recharge my spirit and still meet my personal goals...without sacrificing the quality of my undertakings?
I am going to steal back my time. Little by little, minute by minute...I'm taking it all back.
I allowed other things to become a priority over my own needs and that is going to end now, right now. I cannot give outwardly without giving inwardly to myself first. I cannot send all of my energy out and expect to be filled at the end of the day. How can I offer faith and support to others if it's been days since I've meditated upon my own faith, or sought support for myself?
These past few weeks have been an eye-opener and I’ve learned a lot about how strong and resilient I really am, but I don't have to be strong all of the time. It was a lesson that I had to learn on my own, on my own terms, but I think that’s how we all learn isn’t it? We all have to navigate our own road and find the right path for ourselves.
Well, I did and I am happy to have found this new way through to tomorrow. This road works for me.
What steals your time? What empties you out so that at the end of the day you have nothing left for yourself? What are you going to do about it?
If you aren't sure how to get your time back, give me a call. We can sit quietly together and contemplate in silence, or share some cake and laughter...because it's our time and we control how we spend it.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
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