Losing Altitude, Gaining Attitude

There is an oft repeated adage that says that rejection builds character. I disagree. I believe that rejection builds attitude, and it’s up to us to determine which attitude it builds.

I received a rather polite NO this morning, and even though I was expecting it, it was still unpleasant. Sometimes a NO can make us feel like we are not good enough, or that we didn’t work hard enough...but whatever the reason, we can use it to our advantage.

After allowing myself a few hours of pouting (if only to rationalize having another piece of chocolate with breakfast), I set aside some time to remind myself that this isn’t personal. Yes, it does feel personal, but it really isn’t.

Rejection always hurts. No matter how strong we are, a pain still pierces our heart when faced with NO. Such a small, yet powerful syllable that can turn a great morning into a mediocre day. I’ve written about the power of NO before, but please remember that its range is limited and recovery is usually quick if we keep perspective.

I could lash out in anger, say horrible things about the people who rejected me, shout degrading things at my email for delivering me such horrible news, or even rationalize reasons why this other person was chosen over me (e.g., they must know someone on the inside!).

Or I can put aside my emotions for a moment and find a way to learn from this.

I did not get what I wanted because it was not mine to have. Truly. Someone else was obviously better suited, probably better qualified, and was a better fit for the position. This does not mean I am lacking, nor does it mean that my work isn’t good enough. Comparing myself and my work to some stranger I’ll never meet is just silly.

If it isn't a match, it isn't a match. Why would I blame myself?

Rather than focus on the things that may have kept me from getting what I want, I would rather look at the characteristics I do have that will eventually work in my favor. Setbacks are a great time to reevaluate our game-plan, take another look at ourselves, and consider alternative routes to our goal.

It gives us time to remember why we’re doing this in the first place and readjust our attitude, if necessary.

Rejection isn’t the end of the road. It’s just a detour along the more scenic route.

The next time you get a NO, call me. We can take the long way together. I’ll bring the chocolate.