If you woke up tomorrow and you were alone in your world, who would you be? If you had no one to force their ideas and expectations upon you, who would you strive to become? How would you live your life?
If there was no one to impress, what would you wear? Would you worry about being the most fashionable and fret that you won’t fit in? Would you obsess about being thin or would you focus on healthy?
If there was no one to force their expectations upon you, what career path would you follow? Would you focus on financial gains, or feed your passion?
What If there was no one to interpret the voice of God for you? Would you live in fear of a cosmic bully, or would you seek to understand love and grace on a deeper level?
There are times when we are so overwhelmed by the pressures of life that we forget who we really are. Expectations fly at us from all directions including family, friends, and society at large. We’re supposed to be fashionable and thin, perfectly coiffed and made-up like the models in the various ads that the media flings at us.
We are suppose to have a career that our parents can brag about and that brings in the bling to impress our friends. Our lives revolve around our career prowess while our soul melts under the pressure of financial success.
We are expected to choose a religion from one of the faith or anti-faith movements that suits our style and then adhere to the rhetoric and mindless jargon without question. We offer up our free-will as a sacrifice to the movement du jour hoping that it will fill our hearts with the peace we desperately need, only to be left with more questions that we had before.
So what about some Me time? What about some time to figure out what we really want and who we really are. How about shutting out the voices that wear us down with their demands, and just listen to ourselves for a little while.
I’m not suggesting we walk away from our obligations and become self-absorbed jerks. I’m suggesting we listen to ourselves and figure out who we are and who we want to become, not based on what others believe...but based on our own passions and the gifts we’ve been given.
If you woke up tomorrow and you were alone in your world, who would you be? Becoming the best you possible will help ensure that those who rely on you, those who trust in you are getting the real deal...not some cheap imitation. How much of you is based on what the world wants you to be, and how much of you is true?
Take some me time and figure it out...you owe it to yourself and those who believe in you.
If you’re not sure where to start, call me and we’ll work together to shut out the other voices until you can hear your own.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
Brave
Fairy tales are one of the cruelest tricks we play on children. We tell them that happy endings are the norm, that the princess always gets the prince, and the evil stepsisters always get punished for their misdeeds. That’s simply not true, and it’s something we should probably reconsider when choosing books to read at bedtime.
I’m just saying.
Life is messy and people are imperfect creatures overflowing with emotions. I like that we are beautifully blemished beings and that our relationships add a richness to our journey, but what I don’t like is when those relationships end, and we are left with a cavernous hole in our heart and an ache that no amount of tears can wash away.
Losing people hurts and there is simply no way to avoid it if we insist on embracing the many wonders life has to offer us.
Recently I had to walk away from some very dear friends. I loved them like family and had relied on them through some tough times. For many years they were a little sanctuary from the insanity of life, and now that’s gone. They meant a lot to me, more than I realized until they were no longer there. All that exists is the overwhelming sense of loss.
The why is not important, suffice to say you cannot un-ring a bell. Sometimes we are forced to make decisions in order to protect ourselves. Logically I know that it was never their intent to hurt me, it was just an unfortunate outcome due to a seemingly innocuous decision. Unfortunately, that decision meant I could not join them on path they had chosen, and I had to walk away.
Many years ago after cleansing my life of an abusive spouse, I promised myself that I would not entertain negative or destructive relationships in my life no matter the cost to my heart. It was one of those decisions that demanded an all-or-nothing commitment because once the toxins enter into your life there is no way to stop it from polluting every part of your existence.
Though I tried to rationalize the choices my friends had made, that little voice in my head reminded me that I could not ignore the truth forever. The damage was done and my heart was so ravaged by it all, I grew numb with disbelief. Remaining meant accepting more negativity into my life than was healthy.
So I severed all ties and walked away.
Slowly emails trickled in filled with questions, but they went unanswered. After two days of endless tears and sleepless nights, I was emotionally spent and unable to function. I had to take care of myself, and that is what it all comes down to.
We have to take care of ourselves.
We have to be brave enough to fight for what we know is best for us. We cannot allow the people we love to pull us down into the depths of negativity simply because we are emotionally tied to them. We have to be our own advocate, our own champion, and our own caretaker.
It’s our responsibility to ensure the relationships we are involved with are healthy relationships based on love and respect. Anything else and we are just fooling ourselves.
No, it isn’t easy to walk away. It has been several days now and I still find myself aching to talk to them, or tearing up when something reminds me of them. My heart still trembles when my inbox shows a new email because it might be them unintentionally re-opening a slowly healing wound. It has not be a very enjoyable time.
But I will survive this. I will continue to learn from my time with those amazing people and I really did learn a lot. I have boxes upon boxes of beautiful memories stored away in a corner of my mind. Someday, when the pain is not so new and the tears have dried, I will sit and comb through these boxes and smile, grateful I had such people in my life.
For now I take each day as it comes knowing that I did what was right for me knowing that endings aren’t always happy, but they are necessary. I’ve also had to remind myself that I need to be my own white knight...even if my armor is a bit rusted.
I’m just saying.
Life is messy and people are imperfect creatures overflowing with emotions. I like that we are beautifully blemished beings and that our relationships add a richness to our journey, but what I don’t like is when those relationships end, and we are left with a cavernous hole in our heart and an ache that no amount of tears can wash away.
Losing people hurts and there is simply no way to avoid it if we insist on embracing the many wonders life has to offer us.
Recently I had to walk away from some very dear friends. I loved them like family and had relied on them through some tough times. For many years they were a little sanctuary from the insanity of life, and now that’s gone. They meant a lot to me, more than I realized until they were no longer there. All that exists is the overwhelming sense of loss.
The why is not important, suffice to say you cannot un-ring a bell. Sometimes we are forced to make decisions in order to protect ourselves. Logically I know that it was never their intent to hurt me, it was just an unfortunate outcome due to a seemingly innocuous decision. Unfortunately, that decision meant I could not join them on path they had chosen, and I had to walk away.
Many years ago after cleansing my life of an abusive spouse, I promised myself that I would not entertain negative or destructive relationships in my life no matter the cost to my heart. It was one of those decisions that demanded an all-or-nothing commitment because once the toxins enter into your life there is no way to stop it from polluting every part of your existence.
Though I tried to rationalize the choices my friends had made, that little voice in my head reminded me that I could not ignore the truth forever. The damage was done and my heart was so ravaged by it all, I grew numb with disbelief. Remaining meant accepting more negativity into my life than was healthy.
So I severed all ties and walked away.
Slowly emails trickled in filled with questions, but they went unanswered. After two days of endless tears and sleepless nights, I was emotionally spent and unable to function. I had to take care of myself, and that is what it all comes down to.
We have to take care of ourselves.
We have to be brave enough to fight for what we know is best for us. We cannot allow the people we love to pull us down into the depths of negativity simply because we are emotionally tied to them. We have to be our own advocate, our own champion, and our own caretaker.
It’s our responsibility to ensure the relationships we are involved with are healthy relationships based on love and respect. Anything else and we are just fooling ourselves.
No, it isn’t easy to walk away. It has been several days now and I still find myself aching to talk to them, or tearing up when something reminds me of them. My heart still trembles when my inbox shows a new email because it might be them unintentionally re-opening a slowly healing wound. It has not be a very enjoyable time.
But I will survive this. I will continue to learn from my time with those amazing people and I really did learn a lot. I have boxes upon boxes of beautiful memories stored away in a corner of my mind. Someday, when the pain is not so new and the tears have dried, I will sit and comb through these boxes and smile, grateful I had such people in my life.
For now I take each day as it comes knowing that I did what was right for me knowing that endings aren’t always happy, but they are necessary. I’ve also had to remind myself that I need to be my own white knight...even if my armor is a bit rusted.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
My Last Breath
With my last breath I will not regret the decisions I've made. I will not regret counting memories over calories. I will not regret failing to care about the people who were not impressed by me while I was caring for those who loved me. I will not regret attacking challenges head first rather than wasting time on those who live their lives attacking others to cover their insecurities.
I will not regret living my life because I lived it with the understanding that it was a one time shot. It was mine to live under the guidance of a loving God and with the support of cherished friends and family. It was mine to experience, not theirs to control. It was mine to use to the fullest, not theirs to judge.
With my last breath I will not cry for those who hurt me or were hurt because of me. If I have offended, I rest in the assurance that my intent was not malicious and my humble apologies should suffice. If not, that’s not my burden to carry. I hold no responsibility for the obsessions of others.
I will not regret the times I earned the occasional “B” when I chose to spend time with my beloved over time with my books. My value comes not from my accomplishments, but from those my life has blessed. It’s a sad thing to spend precious moments worried about the petty over the people
With my last breath I will not regret standing firm in my convictions, failing to bend in order to appease. If I have lost friends, they were not mine to have. If I gained respect, then I will accept that as a bonus for my time. I was not born to cower to the demands of the aggressive or to become a pawn in their plan.
WIth my last breath I will cheerfully applaud those, who like me, lived their life to the fullest until that final exhale. I will smile at the strong in spirit and resolute in faith. I will be grateful for my time among the passionate, the brave of heart. I will go, ever thankful that I have loved, been loved, and have practiced love as it was offered to me.
With my last breath, I will remain a soul at peace.
What will your last breath be?
I will not regret living my life because I lived it with the understanding that it was a one time shot. It was mine to live under the guidance of a loving God and with the support of cherished friends and family. It was mine to experience, not theirs to control. It was mine to use to the fullest, not theirs to judge.
With my last breath I will not cry for those who hurt me or were hurt because of me. If I have offended, I rest in the assurance that my intent was not malicious and my humble apologies should suffice. If not, that’s not my burden to carry. I hold no responsibility for the obsessions of others.
I will not regret the times I earned the occasional “B” when I chose to spend time with my beloved over time with my books. My value comes not from my accomplishments, but from those my life has blessed. It’s a sad thing to spend precious moments worried about the petty over the people
With my last breath I will not regret standing firm in my convictions, failing to bend in order to appease. If I have lost friends, they were not mine to have. If I gained respect, then I will accept that as a bonus for my time. I was not born to cower to the demands of the aggressive or to become a pawn in their plan.
WIth my last breath I will cheerfully applaud those, who like me, lived their life to the fullest until that final exhale. I will smile at the strong in spirit and resolute in faith. I will be grateful for my time among the passionate, the brave of heart. I will go, ever thankful that I have loved, been loved, and have practiced love as it was offered to me.
With my last breath, I will remain a soul at peace.
What will your last breath be?
Friday, August 5, 2011
Just Chill
Stress is not sexy. It’s not motivating or inspiring, yet we not only accept stress like a gift from a secret admirer, we bath in it until it covers us with the lingering scent of fear and doubt.
Stress is like a disease that devours our well-being and imprisons our dreams. So why do we choose stress? Why do we willingly cram so many activities into our already bursting schedules that we have no time to breathe? Why do we set impossible expectations for ourselves and others? We are simply setting ourselves up to dine on a feast of failure and disappointment.
Why do we so often choose stress? And yes, it is a choice.
The choice comes not only when we take on more than our time allows, but with how we see the things that are going on in our lives. If something doesn’t meet our expectations, we stress and worry about how we can bend it to our will. If someone doesn’t feel like we want them to feel, we stress over that too. We worry about the What-If’s and torture ourselves with hypotheticals.
We choose fear and doubt.
Stress begins when we choose to not accept what is. Rather than learning to accept that there are things over which we have no control, like the emotions of another person, we fight for power we will never attain. We try to control everything within our reach, and this is not even a little bit productive. Why don’t we focus on our own thoughts and actions?
I know there are times in our lives when we can’t help but take on more than humanly possible I’m currently in a new city looking for a place to live, searching for a job, preparing for graduate school, and juggling both academic and personal writing commitments. I knew this was going to be an insanely hectic time, but knowing is half the battle. I planned what I could and I work on focusing on the things that I can control. Yes, I get a bit nervous now and again, but I chose this path knowing it was going to wear me out and drain my sanity.
I made the choice.
To survive these overwhelming times I wrap myself the love of my friends and family for support. I know that I cannot do this without some cheerleaders in my corner chanting encouragement when things look bleak..and they inevitably will.
I focus on the positive (i.e., moving to a really cool city, going to my dream university, earning my advanced degree...etc.), and not the negative stuff (i.e., what happens if I can’t find a job or a house? what if I don’t get my books in time for class? What if I screw it all up?).
Most importantly, I focus on taking care of myself through the things that bring me solace. Prayer and meditation offer me a wonderful respite from the hectic demands of my current situation. Knowing that God is walking with me gives me the peace and strength necessary to face the challenges ahead. The assurance that He will never leave me, even if I do screw up, enables me to move forward when that little voice in the back of my mind is screaming for me to surrender to fear.
We can’t do this alone, and we don’t have to. However, we do need to be realistic and focus on the truth of our situations and not play the hypothetical game of What-If. We have to take care of ourselves and make productive choices.
When deciding where to place our energy, consider what things will make the biggest impact on our future. What will matter in a year? Five years? Ten years even? No one can tell you what is important, you have to make your own decision in the end, but don’t forget about taking care of yourself and leaning on the people who love you. True friends are always happy to cheer for you.
So what are you choosing to stress about? What are you focusing on?
If you are feeling overwhelmed and need a cheerleader, give me a call...I’ll even break out the proverbial pom-poms for you.
Stress is like a disease that devours our well-being and imprisons our dreams. So why do we choose stress? Why do we willingly cram so many activities into our already bursting schedules that we have no time to breathe? Why do we set impossible expectations for ourselves and others? We are simply setting ourselves up to dine on a feast of failure and disappointment.
Why do we so often choose stress? And yes, it is a choice.
The choice comes not only when we take on more than our time allows, but with how we see the things that are going on in our lives. If something doesn’t meet our expectations, we stress and worry about how we can bend it to our will. If someone doesn’t feel like we want them to feel, we stress over that too. We worry about the What-If’s and torture ourselves with hypotheticals.
We choose fear and doubt.
Stress begins when we choose to not accept what is. Rather than learning to accept that there are things over which we have no control, like the emotions of another person, we fight for power we will never attain. We try to control everything within our reach, and this is not even a little bit productive. Why don’t we focus on our own thoughts and actions?
I know there are times in our lives when we can’t help but take on more than humanly possible I’m currently in a new city looking for a place to live, searching for a job, preparing for graduate school, and juggling both academic and personal writing commitments. I knew this was going to be an insanely hectic time, but knowing is half the battle. I planned what I could and I work on focusing on the things that I can control. Yes, I get a bit nervous now and again, but I chose this path knowing it was going to wear me out and drain my sanity.
I made the choice.
To survive these overwhelming times I wrap myself the love of my friends and family for support. I know that I cannot do this without some cheerleaders in my corner chanting encouragement when things look bleak..and they inevitably will.
I focus on the positive (i.e., moving to a really cool city, going to my dream university, earning my advanced degree...etc.), and not the negative stuff (i.e., what happens if I can’t find a job or a house? what if I don’t get my books in time for class? What if I screw it all up?).
Most importantly, I focus on taking care of myself through the things that bring me solace. Prayer and meditation offer me a wonderful respite from the hectic demands of my current situation. Knowing that God is walking with me gives me the peace and strength necessary to face the challenges ahead. The assurance that He will never leave me, even if I do screw up, enables me to move forward when that little voice in the back of my mind is screaming for me to surrender to fear.
We can’t do this alone, and we don’t have to. However, we do need to be realistic and focus on the truth of our situations and not play the hypothetical game of What-If. We have to take care of ourselves and make productive choices.
When deciding where to place our energy, consider what things will make the biggest impact on our future. What will matter in a year? Five years? Ten years even? No one can tell you what is important, you have to make your own decision in the end, but don’t forget about taking care of yourself and leaning on the people who love you. True friends are always happy to cheer for you.
So what are you choosing to stress about? What are you focusing on?
If you are feeling overwhelmed and need a cheerleader, give me a call...I’ll even break out the proverbial pom-poms for you.
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