Just Chill

Stress is not sexy. It’s not motivating or inspiring, yet we not only accept stress like a gift from a secret admirer, we bath in it until it covers us with the lingering scent of fear and doubt.

Stress is like a disease that devours our well-being and imprisons our dreams. So why do we choose stress? Why do we willingly cram so many activities into our already bursting schedules that we have no time to breathe? Why do we set impossible expectations for ourselves and others? We are simply setting ourselves up to dine on a feast of failure and disappointment.

Why do we so often choose stress? And yes, it is a choice.

The choice comes not only when we take on more than our time allows, but with how we see the things that are going on in our lives. If something doesn’t meet our expectations, we stress and worry about how we can bend it to our will. If someone doesn’t feel like we want them to feel, we stress over that too. We worry about the What-If’s and torture ourselves with hypotheticals.

We choose fear and doubt.

Stress begins when we choose to not accept what is. Rather than learning to accept that there are things over which we have no control, like the emotions of another person, we fight for power we will never attain. We try to control everything within our reach, and this is not even a little bit productive. Why don’t we focus on our own thoughts and actions?

I know there are times in our lives when we can’t help but take on more than humanly possible I’m currently in a new city looking for a place to live, searching for a job, preparing for graduate school, and juggling both academic and personal writing commitments. I knew this was going to be an insanely hectic time, but knowing is half the battle. I planned what I could and I work on focusing on the things that I can control. Yes, I get a bit nervous now and again, but I chose this path knowing it was going to wear me out and drain my sanity.

I made the choice.

To survive these overwhelming times I wrap myself the love of my friends and family for support. I know that I cannot do this without some cheerleaders in my corner chanting encouragement when things look bleak..and they inevitably will.

I focus on the positive (i.e., moving to a really cool city, going to my dream university, earning my advanced degree...etc.), and not the negative stuff (i.e., what happens if I can’t find a job or a house? what if I don’t get my books in time for class? What if I screw it all up?).

Most importantly, I focus on taking care of myself through the things that bring me solace. Prayer and meditation offer me a wonderful respite from the hectic demands of my current situation. Knowing that God is walking with me gives me the peace and strength necessary to face the challenges ahead. The assurance that He will never leave me, even if I do screw up, enables me to move forward when that little voice in the back of my mind is screaming for me to surrender to fear.

We can’t do this alone, and we don’t have to. However, we do need to be realistic and focus on the truth of our situations and not play the hypothetical game of What-If. We have to take care of ourselves and make productive choices.

When deciding where to place our energy, consider what things will make the biggest impact on our future. What will matter in a year? Five years? Ten years even? No one can tell you what is important, you have to make your own decision in the end, but don’t forget about taking care of yourself and leaning on the people who love you. True friends are always happy to cheer for you.

So what are you choosing to stress about? What are you focusing on?

If you are feeling overwhelmed and need a cheerleader, give me a call...I’ll even break out the proverbial pom-poms for you.