The Best of You

There is a rather interesting term called the Crab Bucket Syndrome that I first heard about through one of my favorite authors, Terry Pratchett.  The idea is that a group of crabs trapped in a pail cannot escape because they spend their energy pulling each other down and sabotaging their fellow prisoner’s attempts at finding freedom rather than helping each other out.

In the end, they all end up trapped and miserable.

Even when I didn’t know what it was called, I had seen it in action many, many times...and you probably have to.  There is something about watching others succeed that some people cannot tolerate.  Why?  I haven’t a guess, but it is a sad thing to watch and a horrible experience to live through.

Thankfully, there is a way out of the bucket...but like most things, it doesn’t come easy.

You are an amazing creation.  You have many, many good qualities and strengths from which to draw from.  You have the ability to pull through the tough times, to shake off the doubters and move towards your goals.  It does require you to put on blinders and learn to ignore those who like to remind you of your past mistakes.  We all have flaws that should be acknowledged however, there really isn't any need to dwell on them if doing so is going to keep you from moving forward.  No, not an easy thing to do...but you can do it.

The next time someone decides to enlighten you about your weaknesses, or you begin to doubt yourself, focus on the things you are good at.  Make lists if necessary, write them on the bathroom mirror, leave yourself notes on the refrigerator door listing your best qualities.  I don’t care what you have to do, or how you do it.  Just don’t let them drag you down, don’t let them keep you down in that smelly bucket living in misery simply because they can’t see the positive in their own lives.

And once you’re out, reach down and help someone else escape.  Because if we give up now, then the crabs win.

Living in Denial

Do you ever get worn down by the constant whining and complaining over the little things?  It’s not just on a personal level, but the 24-hour news machines pump out the negative drivel at such high velocity that it’s difficult to keep up sometimes.  A week ago I decided to ignore all news and negativity to the best of my ability and see how much difference it would make in my life.

I was amazed.

I admit it was difficult to ignore it all completely with social media delivering the latest headlines to my phone, the radio keeping me informed of the latest bitch session conducted by some talking-head political pundit.  But I tried to keep it out, block it from my consciousness.  It was a war I would eventually lose, but only by a very small margin.

On a personal level I already have a no whiners policy as an attempt to keep the negative people out of my life, so it was fairly easy to avoid those who think the world needs to hear every negative comment that passes through their mind.  Sure, there were still some complaints and whines that slipped through...but I was ready for them and quickly shut them down.  

Only a few hateful words slipped passed my defenses.

So a week has passed and I have not missed the news, nor have I once wished I could hear someone drone on about the trivially mundane as if it was the beginning of the apocalypse.  In fact, I have noticed that there are far more good and positive things going on around me without the constant stream of ick.  

I’ve discovered there are thousands of interesting things to read about on-line that don’t include politics or headlines about Kim Whatsherface saying something stupid.  Those truly positive and informative sites that I’ve rarely had time to visit were given my full attention, and I think I’m better because of it....if not happier.

It was a vacation for my soul and it is one which I plan to continue occasionally to ensure I don't end up as one of these full-time downers. I may be living a lie by pretending the world isn’t falling apart little by little, but I believe I’ll have far more energy to help those who are going through a a rough patch and need some positive attention, or a kind word.  I have more of that now. 

And maybe, just maybe...I’ll even some energy left to take care of myself.

Ideologically Impaired

Labels just may be among the worse things ever created.  They are overused and misused at every turn.  I can hardly focus on what is in front of me because I spend so much time rolling my eyes at all of the silly ideologies that we hide behind.

Seriously.  

As we force ourselves to live within the confines of man-made ideologies we voluntarily constrain ourselves within someone else’s idea of who we are.  We’re not just selling ourselves short, we’re limiting our own potential for greatness so that we can fit into some arbitrary definition designed by someone we’ll never meet.  

Are we so desperate for acceptance that we will live by someone else’s idea of right and wrong, or agree to false dichotomies that are so demeaning?  Is it so much easier to face the world as a fearful group of exclusionaries than to express who we really are, regardless of what society demands?

Sadly, I fear that it is.

So many labels including political, religious or non-theist, can lead to a vicious Us vs. Them mentality that only serves to divide people, creating meaningless conflicts where none should exist.  In order to blend in we are required to attack and belittle because if anyone sees the depth of our doubt or senses our insecurities, then the game is up.

Why do we constrain ourselves?  Why must we put limits on how we express the many facets of our humanity?

You can ask me what I believe, but my philosophies exist outside of a neatly packaged ideology.  I won’t accept some easily digestible, sound-bite of a belief that is readily marketable.  Mainstream is far too narrow to encompass my experiences and thoughts on faith.

If you ask me what I do, I can respond with the appropriate label, but it will not offer much in terms of information.  What I do is a complicated mess of inspiration and motivation, sprinkled with a large dose of wisdom, showered with the ongoing acquisition of knowledge and tied together with passion.

The important questions are not the what’s, but the why’s and the how’s.  Why do I believe and how does this make me a better Me?  Why do I endeavor in this work and how does it help me to support our community?

None of these questions offer pithy responses, so I will refrain from trying to explain them.  Instead, I would prefer a conversation that lasts a lifetime so that we can try to understand each other.  I would like to know who you are, how you are, and why you are.  I would prefer to walk with you and learn with you rather than see you through an ideological facade that fails to truly highlights your uniqueness.

You are far more important and far more wonderful than any label can express.  You don't need to accept the constraints offered to you by someone else's philosophies, or give up your own identity in order to fit the way others see you.

If you’d like to shake off the restraints of popular labels, give me a call.  We can figure out who we are over a cup of coffee.  Then we can meet again tomorrow and discuss who we are becoming.

Successfully..happy

Today I posted my newest video on www.PerfectlyHumble.com discussing the difference between what we want and what the world tells us we should want.  Sure, it can be difficult to shut out the voices of the media and ignore societal norms...but when you take a step back and focus on your own dreams, I think that's when you find true happiness.


I'm no expert on being successful, but I can say that it's a wonder feeling when you're following your passion...even it if means you have to go against the flow to get where you need to be.


I hope you enjoy the video and I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Save the little female humans

Nobel Laureate Leymah Gbowee is a woman I greatly admire.  Her passion and perseverance has brought about great changes in the world and she continues to advocate on behalf of women, and humanity, everywhere.

Her TEDtalk is about unlocking the potential of girls everywhere for the betterment of us all. It is a heartfelt call to those who wish to save humanity by giving girls the opportunity to follow their own passions and change our world for the better.