Just Spit it Out!

Why (oh why!) do we have to torment our loved ones with those manipulative statements like, "I'm so fat/ugly/stupid...blah blah blah etc etc..."?

We all know that you don't really believe those things. You're just feeling insecure and need someone to jump to your rescue and say that you are skinny/beautiful/smart...etc and such. There is an easier, more humane way...truly there is.

You could just ask.

I hate guessing games so just tell me what you need and (because I love you), I'll see what I can do to get you feeling better about You. How silly is it to make derogatory statements about yourself and then hope someone chimes in and says the thing that you need to hear?

This isn't rocket science people, it's basic communication.

All of us have moments of insecurity when we need to hear that we are important. Every single one of us needs to know that we are special and that we matter. There is no shame in showing your vulnerable side and asking for a little reassurance now and again.

On the rare occasion when I've not done as well as I liked on a test at school, I tell my husband that I need to hear how wonderful he thinks I am. There is no guessing, no wondering how to get him to say the things I want to hear...it's an adult conversation which ensures my needs are met.

Sure, I could bemoan my stupidity or denigrate myself and wait for him to catch on...but that is a waste of time and energy. Our friends and family...ok, our real friends and some select relatives, will be more than happy to tell us what we need to hear. Part of a friend's job is to help us through tough times....so stop playing games and just ask them for help.

Now, not everyone is going to get it and you will still hear the occasional whining about someone being too fat/stupid/ugly/whatever....and to that I suggest you put your arms around them and let them know you understand they are feeling a bit down. Then ask them what they need to hear.

If you don't have any friends you can trust with your feelings...then dump those morons and give me a call. I'm always in the market for more genuine people in my life.