...but are you Happy?

I was not created to meet your expectations. My purpose in life is not to fulfill your idea of who or what I should be. It is not my responsibility to make you happy.

It’s not about you.

Sometimes it feels like everyone has an opinion of who you should to be and how you should live your life, but it’s not your responsibility to live up to their desires. That’s not your job.

Real relationships, the honest and inspiring relationships that help us to grow, are built on a foundation of love. If someone really cares about you they will ask you what you want. They will show genuine concern about your happiness, not weigh you with their opinions and their expectations.

The desire to understand people comes from a place of love and compassion. A selfish heart is unable to look outside of itself and see things from another perspective. Only a heart that knows love has the strength to quiet its own desires and focus on the needs of someone else.

If someone loves you, their concern is for you and your needs, not their own.

I made a few changes to my life in the past few years with returning to school and choosing a new path for my faith. It was through these changes that I began to view my relationships differently. It became readily apparent who really cared about me, and who cared about themselves more.

When I would mention my academic goals it felt like everyone had an opinion on what school I should attend, or gave their advice on what direction I should take my career. Only one person asked me what I wanted. That person cared and has a genuine concern for my happiness. She wanted to know what my goals were so that she could offer constructive advice.

That is a relationship based on love.

My career decisions are my choice. Believe me when I say that I am not here to impress anyone. Really, I just don’t care what you think of me and my life goals.

I had the same experience when I chose to leave the mainstream Christian denominations and seek a deeper meaning to my faith. I expected people to question my decision and knew it wasn’t going to be an easy task to explain why I could no longer followed their doctrine. I assumed they would understand, or at least try to understand.

They didn’t.

I was told I was wrong, or that I needed to be brought back into a better understanding of their world. They felt I was broken and needed to be fixed. They were so focused on their expectations and goals, they never asked about mine.

I am not saying that these people are all evil, selfish jerks. They are just flawed humans like the rest of us, doing the best that they can with what they know. Perhaps they truly do believe that when they offer unsolicited advice or force their opinion on us they think they are doing us a favor. It’s something we’ve all done at one point in our lives, and while it is annoying, it is certainly forgivable and completely human.

For many years now I’ve taken to asking my loved ones a simple question. “Are you happy?” No matter what they choose to do, whether I agree or not, it is their decision to make. If they want my advice, they will ask. They owe me nothing and I’ve no right to pressure them to live as I think they should. My relationship with them is based on love, and because of that I desire their happiness...nothing else really matters, does it?

God is our creator. He is the author of my salvation and the only one I shall ever bow to. Christ is my Lord, no other and I owe my allegiance to Him, not to someone who thinks they know what is best for me.

My relationship with Him is based on love and in the end, I know that God loves me no matter what. That means He truly cares about my happiness.

So my friend, are you happy?