I’ve always believed that life was about decisions. Be they easy or difficult, we move from one day to the next one decision at a time, carefully choosing our path towards the future. Recently, I’ve learned that life isn’t about decisions. It isn’t about making choices or weighing our options. Life is about accepting what is and finding the courage to continue towards what could be.
No matter how careful we are, situations arise that alter our plans so quickly and so completely that we are unprepared for the fallout. When we get hit by a train, sometimes it is best to just sit and take inventory of the wounds rather than chasing it down and demanding an apology because it is during these these uncertain times that we learn who we are and discover what really matters.
Though I don’t celebrate difficulties, I do find value in them and and I have learned that crises can be extremely clarifying. The necessary things become more solid, more pure as the trivial fades away. The people I need step forward to quietly support me, and my faith insulates me from losing the grip on my sanity. My world has become far more clear, even if my path isn’t.
In the next few weeks my life will change dramatically and I will never be the same. I will certainly be stronger, more resolute in my ways, and, if you are fortunate, maybe a little more compassionate. But the person I am now will have faded away. Not having a choice in which road I take is a horrible feeling and I wrestle with bouts of anger knowing what I have to do, but furious that I am powerless to change the direction of this journey. My plans are put on hold, my life is being lived on someone else’s timeline, and I’m just here waiting for my future to figure itself out. Sometimes those trains hit hard enough to push us off of the road completely.
But that is the way of things.
Yes, I have learned that life really isn’t about decisions; life is about having the courage to accept the consequences whether we choose them or not. Life is about deciding how to face what is in front of you and to trust yourself enough to move forward, even when your heart is trembling. Life is standing toe to toe with your biggest fear, meeting its gaze, and not backing down, knowing you have those amazing people in your corner to pick you up when the train decides to hit you again.
You are absolutely right life is about handling whatever is handed to us. Sometimes it is right in step with our plans and other times not so much. Most times there is something of value to be learned from the u turns or different path.
ReplyDeleteKnowing you, your strength, your passion and your "in your face" determination, you're going to rock.